Chapter Eighteen
Congressman DoucheChill bores his family by talking about politics.
I would look the congressman in the eye, nodding when he paused, and asking questions here and there about spending and committees.
So this dumbass isn't taught about sunscreen or kissing, most food, modern music, or anything useful to survive, but she knows about energy commissions and a Jobs Act? what the actual hell
DoucheChill asks Penn if he's even listening, Penn gives a smart ass remark, and finally tells his dad that he has a gig at a restaurant. They all get into an argument over Penn wanting to play music and DoucheChill wanting him to be not-a-rock-star.
Pencil Neck in 10 years
"Well maybe I'll jus tmarry money the way you did, and then I won't have to worry about it. God, you're such a hypocrite," Penn said.
Wait wait wait, hold up. DOUCHECHILL WAS THE GOLD DIGGER IN THIS MARRIAGE? Wow. Elise. Honeybunch, WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING WITH HIM? Kick him to the curb, cut him off from alimony, and STILL make him pay child support because, damn. You deserve so much better (by the way, she was trying to smooth over the argument here, and was NOT taking DoucheChill's side).
Then Elise is a jerk to Ruby. Dammit, Elise, be nice to your daughter. She's ten years old, she can have dessert since she's willing to eat all of her salad.
I'd never considered myself lucky for being trained by Miss Gellner before, but now I realized it was a gift. How culd Ruby and Penn not know how to have a conversations with their own parents? I could see their mistakes so clearly; how they should have answered their parents politely instead of sticking so forcefully to their own opinions.
And now we're back to this bullshit. Maybe if Congressman and Mrs. DoucheChill were DECENT PARENTS Penn wouldn't be angry everytime he talks to them and Ruby did literally NOTHING wrong in her interaction. Literally nothing. She just asked to have dessert if she ate all her salad, and Elise was like "DONT' TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL" and never gave her an answer so Ruby swallowed and asked again.
Shut up Ella.
Elise tells Ruby she can't have dessert. Shut up Elise.
"No dessert," the congressman's wife said before turning to her husband. "A little help here?"Now DoucheChill and Elise fight over telling Ruby she can't have dessert (Ruby... didn't even argue? WTF? This writing makes no sense).
Elise hurts Ruby's feelings, and immediately apologizes (well, there's that at least) and suggests that Ruby take Ella for a walk the next day.
"Okay," she said. "I didn't know I was allowed to take Ella for walks. Does she have to wear a leash?"
.....
......
..........................
(kill me)
The next day Ella goes to wait by the pool for Ruby (she does not have to wear a leash). Penn is there of course. He jokes about how it's good she's getting out of the house. He then asks why she didn't come outside again the night before so they could make sweet love in an algae-ridden pond (okay so that last part I made up).
Ella tells him she's not supposed to feel "this way", Penn takes her hand, and Ruby cockblocks him as she skips out of the house to go on a walk. Thanks, Ruby!
They go for a walk. It's boring until Ruby asks if Ella has a crush on any boys.
Ruby, my dearest child, Ella knows exactly one (1) boy. Ella is like "I don't know what crushes are and I don't know any boys."
Ruby has absolutely no idea how Ella was raised, and assumes that Ella was just an all girls school. Poor sweet Ruby. Save this child. They feed a neighbor's horses. Two girls ride up on bikes. Ruby introduces Ella. They talk about having pets and random shit. One of the girls invites Ruby over to play.
"I totally understand if you want to go home, Sarah. You probably don't want to hang out with me and Ruby since you don't have a pet."
Damn, that ten year old is cold as ice.
Chapter Nineteen
So they go to this girl Jayne's house (sans Sarah), and it's apparently cold and unfriendly compared to the Congressman's house (okay?). Jayne asks her mom where Missy, their pet, is.
Jayne's mom's gaze moved over me slowly. "She's in the den with your father."
*heavy sigh*
Sure enough, Missy is eating raspberries while Jayne's dad is reading a newspaper. Ella is really nervous to meet another sex slave that she didn't grow up with. So the different "kennels" do engineer their girls to look different, but apparently not too different? IDEK.
She looked quite a bit older than me, though. I'd never seen a pet who was more than a couple years older than me. She was still beautiful, but there was no doubt that the years had left a mark.
Damn, how much older is Missy? I looked like a teenager well into my late twenties and I still don't look like I'm 31. I'd assume genetically engineered humans would manage to look youthful for a long time.
They take Missy along with them to Jayne's room. Missy doesn't feel like playing and says so, which is somewhat shocking to Ella. Jayne and Ruby take off to find clothes to put on the pets as if they're dolls, and Missy is a huge bitch to Ella.
Why do I have to deal with girlhate. why. Why. WHY DOES THIS BOOK HATE ME
Mostly Missy is like "lol your face isn't thin enough to be desirable" and is like "lol I should have known" when she finds out she's from Greenwich.
Holy crap, so Jayne has a bunch of replicas of fancy gowns like Marie Antoinette and Scarlett O'Hara and each cost over a thousand dollars. Damn, waste of money much? Do they go to cons or reenactments or something? Sheesh.
The girls get bored of dressing up Ella and Missy after awhile and go watch TV.
I turned away from her and climbed out of the Chinese kimono I was wearing, pulling my own sundress as quickly as I could.
.....
Okay so I know you can attribute that to Ella being a total idiot, but CHINESE KIMONO REALLY?!!?!?!?!?!??!
JAPANESE Kimono
CHINESE qipao/cheongsam
There are also Chinese hanfu but I think you get my point.
After Ella asks, Missy admits she doesn't like Ella. And she doesn't like Ella because she's "naive" and "has no clue." Missy is like "this life is awesome, I jus thave to let Missy pull my hair and I'm spoiled more than anyone else".
Okayyyyy.
Missy continues on talking about how great her life is, but taunts her by asking if she ever wondered what happens if she gets too old or sick. She asks what will happen when she "comes of age" (the hell) and becomes a woman (THE HELL?).
Ella thinks about how she has the hots for Penn.
"You're thinking about it now, aren't you? I can see it on your face. It's already started, hasn't it?" She leaned forward, her expression suddenly serious. "They will tire of you. They always do. And when it happens, the people who were supposed to be your 'lifetime companions' will sell you off to the highest bidder."
Um.
Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.
How does Missy even know this? I mean, I'm not surprised, like at all, considering this book has all the subtlety of a drunk elephant. I guess she's been around long enough, but still. Whatever.
The next morning Penn taps on Ella's window to wake her up. He needs to "show her something" (fnar-fnar).
Penn blindfolds her and takes her into the secret garden. Um, apparently the surprise is statues or the pond? I have... no clue what is supposed to be the surprise. The writing is extremely unclear.
Ella says it's perfect.
"No, this is perfect," he said, laying his hand over my heart.
Her breast?!
He takes her chin in hand and turns her face up to look at him. With a third hand he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear (or he moved one of this other hands but the author didn't say so).
Penn admits that he can't stop thinking about Ella and wants to be with her. He kisses her and she's super into it.
Kissing him felt natural, as essential as air. I breathed him in, filled my mouth with the taste of him.
That's a weird way to say he stuck his tongue in her mouth.
They get a bit hot and heavy. Ella finally says she wants to be with him too.
Don't let Congressman DoucheChill know.
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