Do I really need to say anything?
Chapter 12
The party that Archer is throwing is a masquerade.
It was fortunate that it was a masquerade and not a normal party, since she certainly recognized a few faces in the crowd.
With her x-ray vision, I guess.
We also find out that there was a courtesan that Cel has a "long, violent history" with and she'd kill her if she saw a gain. Instead of being intrigued, this just makes me sigh because knowing this story it'll be dumb. Also, Archer's mentor lady Madam chick Clarisse is there.
Oh, Cel is dressed as a swan and Archer is a wolf. Also Davis, the host, has the "best pastry chef in Rifthold".
ONLY BECAUSE I'M NOT THERE.
get it, because I'm a pastry chef and this is a book
I'm not funny
Archer tells Cel that Davis has been his client for a few years, and he noticed his behavior changed recently. He's paranoid, can't eat, and keeps to himself. Archer points out Davis who is middle-aged and stocky. He also says that he thinks Davis is one of the leaders of the rebels. Archer overheard him and his friends (also his clients because of course) discussing things.
Apparently these folks were discussing Aelin Gal-this-last-name-is-too-long, the lost heir of Terrasen, and Archer and Cel discuss how they just want to use her. The group also managed to save some victims from execution.
Did Chaol know about this? Given how he'd reacted to killing Cain, she didn't think torturing and hanging traitors were a part of his duties--or were even mentioned to him.
Remember last book when I asked if Nacho was a figurehead puppet? I really, really think he's just some noble they slapped the label of Captain of the Guard onto because the King knows he's shit at his job. Because damn.
Cel wonders who is in charge of dealing with traitors, and finding them. I guess Cel has never heard of spies (Other than Nehemiah) but considering how abysmally this book understands assassins, I don't want it touching spies.
Cel as a secret agent, probably
Cel wants to get into Davis' office to look around. So Archer pretends to feel her up so people think they're just leaving the room to have some shenanigans.
Archer moved with a stealth that probably came from years of slipping in and out of bedrooms.
As opposed to his assassin training at the Assassin's Keep.
He pulls out a lockpick and picks the lock on Davis' office. Cel takes a moment to check the hidden weapons on her person, and Archer leaves to go back to the party. But not before being creepy and kissing her neck.
Cel searches the room. She finds a book with a Wyrdmark on the spine, and when she opens it, the book is full of Wyrdmarks.
Titles like this had been burned with the rest of the books on magic. She had found one in the palace library--The Walking Dead--but that had been a fluke.
Nice to see the author is still abusing em dashes
Cel finds a riddle on the inside cover of the book: It is only with the eye that one can see rightly.
Cel wonders if Evil King Papa even knows what wyrdmarks are. Considering they were on the clocktower he had built when his son was a kid, He probably does. Also he's evil.
She hears footsteps, so she puts the book back and tries to find an escape route. The door starts to open, so she starts to pretend to be crying. Davis is suspicious of her getting in, and she claims the housekeeper was the one who let her in.
Davis is understandably less than pleased that some stranger is crying in his private office (though he's obviously just sexist and selfish, according to Cel), and moves to escort her out of the room. He takes off his mask, and of course he's ugly because he's mean.
He pulls a dagger on her.
She had him disabled and on the floor in a heartbeat--but not fast enough to avoid the sting of Davis's dagger slicing into her forearm.
Nice to know she can avoid being surprised when her life is at stake, but not when she's alone in her room and EVERYONE IN THE NOVEL SNEAKS UP ON HER (I'm still bitter over Throne of Glass, okay).
Anyway, Cel has him pinned to the ground. He says that not even the housekeeper has keys to his study and asks what she's trying to find. She doesn't answer, and it turns out the blade he sliced her with is poisoned with a paralytic. It's already starting to affect her even as she's trying to knock out Davis.
They tussle.
Oh my god, you guys, Cel actually does something. She manages to get his dagger and cuts his throat. We don't actually see Davis die, though. She leaves him gurgling and climbs on the window ledge.
She didn't know how she made it, or how long it took, but suddenly she was on the ground and springing toward the open front gate.
I know she's all getting paralyzed, but this is just lazy bullshit writing. How did she make it out of a second story window while this paralytic is starting to take hold? She is still kicking though, and she runs towards the glass castle.
Cel steals a cloak off a drunk guy and uses it wipe the blood off her face
I dunno, that just seems mean
She makes it to the castle grounds, and starts to stumble and stagger. She heads to the side entrance so she won't attract attention. She goes in through the barracks and at one point her cloak catches and pulls off of her. She makes it to Nacho's office and manages to tell him what she was poisoned with.
Chapter 13
There was no thought in his head beyond a roaring panic as he shut the door, took out his hunting knife, and ripped open her dress right there.
This book is literally a bodice ripper.
The actual fuck is going on in this cover
Now that Cel is half naked, his mind clears (I'm not kidding) and he realizes that she said the name of the paralytic poison. He moves into action to help her.
Oh and he calls Ress talented. This is the guard that let Cel go to the ball in the last book when she was like "I SWEAR TO GOD THAT NACHO SAID I COULD GO I'M NOT LYING". I need to have a running tally of reasons why Nacho is the worst at his job.
Okay so he has to forcefeed her the antitode and she vomits and shit. But this is just a paralytic that wears off after a few hours, and it had been used on Cel before the night she was captured. That is LITERALLY what is stated in the book. So why this 'OMG LIFE OR DEATH' bullshit? AND CEL IS VOMITING AGAIN FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST what is this author's obsession with vomit.
The guards say that Davis did, in fact, croak. So at least Cel finally killed someone. I guess. BUT WE DON'T SEE A DEAD BODY.
Yes, I'm suspicious, but this book has screwed me over before.
Cel wakes up and realizes the paralytic poison has worn off. Or she puked it all up. One or the other. She's in her room, and Nacho is sleeping in a chair. She notices he's hot.
He wakes up and asks how she's doing. He guesses why she killed Davis, and says he won't tell Evil King Papa.
"Because I don't feel like having to argue that you're still capable of spying without getting caught."
But she's NOT a spy; she's an assassin. While there is a lot of overlap, she never trained to be a spy and has even less of a temperament to be a spy than assassin. Why is the book doing this to me?
Nacho threatens to throw her in the dungeons because she scared him. Cel is remarkably non-committal about his anger. She points out that he could get in trouble, and he snarls in her face.
Hello Douche Rocket
(how did I find a picture that said this)
Nacho explains they didn't know how much paralytic was on the blade so they made her puke for hours. This is just dumb.
She thinks about how all she knew, while the poison was coursing through her system, was that she had to get somewhere safe in her mad dash across the city.
And somehow, she had wound up exactly where she knew she'd be safest.
Actual footage of Celaena showing up at Nacho's office
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