After the WTFery of the last chapter, aren't you?
Chapter 24
Prince Fizzbitch is finally going to go see Baba Blacksheep. I was going to comment on the weird timeline error, but then it says he chickened out the day before because he was afraid of what his father would do to him.
If he wound up on the executioner's block because of it, he'd surely kick himself for being so brash.
He finds Baba Blacksheep eating her lunch. She says the price is double during lunch, so Fizzbitch gives her four gold coins.
Apparently Baba smells like mildew and rotted blood. Can blood rot? I'm genuinely curious.
Fizzbitch starts asking questions, like if she's a real witch and shiz. Baba Blacksheep is over five hundred years old. The Ironteeth witches got their long lifespans from either the Fae or a race of demons called Valg, who "stole" the Fae to "breed" with them and made witches.
The beautiful, peaceful witches took after the fae and the Ironteeth witches took after the demons. Because that's original and interesting.
Baba Blacksheep also tells Fizzbitch that there are "forgotten" magics at work but won't tell him what they are. When he asks if one person could have magic, she uses a lot of words to say no. Some Fae are even trapped in animal form.
"And if someone discovered that they suddenly had magic . . .?"
"Then they'd be a damn fool, and asking for a hanging."
First of all, misuse of both an ellipses an a comma. Second of all IT'S NOT LIKE THE PERSON WAS TRYING TO HAVE MAGIC. It's not foolish if they legitimately can't control whether or not they have magic. It's like calling someone who just discovered they have cancer a fool. Those two concepts do not go together.
Baba continues and says that magic exists on other continents, supposedly. She says that to find out why someone would suddenly have magic, she'd search why the magic left to begin with. Baba Blacksheep then says it's strange that a "lordling" is asking these sorts of questions. BTW, lordling literally means "minor lord" but we have no indication that Baba knows he's the prince, so I'll let it slide.
Prince Fizzbitch contemplates that Baba might be older than she said. Because she has a "darkness" in her eyes. Okaaaaayyyy.
Perhaps her "last-born witch" title was a lie. A fabrication to conceal a history so violent that he couldn't imagine the horrors she'd committed during those long-ago wars.
This is the most horrible thing I can imagine, tbh
The only evidence he has for his speculation is that the clouds MIGHT have passed over the sun, but her eyes have a gleaming darkness (darkness can't gleam, by definition). He also feels himself reaching for his magic because he wants to protect himself from Baba Blacksheep (who, by the way, has iron nails as well as teeth).
Question, if these witches have iron teeth, how the hell do they keep them from rusting from their saliva? Asking for a friend.
Fizzbitch thanks her and immediately bumps into Rolaids. He'd been talking to the musician who played the lute at the dinner, and I could have sworn that person was executed with the singer?! Whatever, I don't feel like looking it up.
Rolaids and Fizzbitch talk about Baba Blacksheep. Fizzbitch wonders if Rolaids was spying on him, but can't figure out if he is or not. Apparently Rolaids is backing everything Prince Fizzbitch is saying in council meetings. Rolaids is kind of bad at this politicking. I'd be suspicious if I were Fizzbitch, but sadly Fizzbitch does not have enough intelligence to figure out that Rolaids is playing him.
Cel is spying again, and the men on her list are leaving Adarlan. She's highly disappointed by this plot development, but I'm over here congratulating these nameless folks for leaving the book while they can.
Archer sneaks up behind her.
How was he so stealthy?
??????????????????????????????????????????
He trained from the same dude you did. That's how you met him.....
(Also nice to see people can still sneak up on Cel, especially when she's supposed to be sneaky herself).
Archer warned the men, because he didn't want to be responsible for their deaths if Cel handed over this information to Evil King Papa. He didn't organize their mass exodus, just told them they were in danger and to get on the next ship out of Rifthold. So he didn't organize it but he told them what to do. Okay.
Cel says that their bargain was that Archer give her 'useful' information (which wasn't the original bargain, by the way), but then offers to fake his death now and put him on the ship with the rest. He rejects the offer and tells her it won't happen again.
Cel threatens to kill him for real because she's so pissed. Also, because she slept with Nacho. I don't know.
Anything to keep Chaol from getting ensnared in a potential mess.
Honey, I'm pretty sure doing the frick-frack with him is an actual mess, not to mention spilling all of your secrets. And interacting with him in anyway. And not killing your targets since Evil King Papa threatened to kill him if you didn't do your job.
She thinks that "Davis is a fluke" because these men ran away.... I don't understand how these thoughts are connected. This is happening more and more and it's making me cranky.
Cel tells Archer that she wants more information by the next night, or she'll kill him.
There was never absolute good or absolute evil (though the king was definitely the exception).
Then there IS absolute evil. Make up your goddamned mind.
She wonders if there were forces gathering in Aelin Galathynius' name. Apparently there are a few scatterings of troops camped out in Terrasen. Cel decides to be a lazy asshole and let these guys overthrow Evil King Papa for her.
If she's that desperate to knock EKP off his throne, SHE IS AN ASSASSIN LIVING IN HIS HOUSE.
Why has this not occurred to her ever? Even if you want to draw out the plot for several more books, all you have to do is have Cel dismiss the idea because the security measures around the king would be insane/loyalists would find her and kill/a million other reasons. The fact that it hasn't even entered into her mind is ridiculous.
It had been four days since Chaol's birthday, and he'd spent every night since then with Celaena. And afternoons, and mornings. And every moment they could spare from their individual obligations.
Oh god, take a rest and drink some gatorade. Yeesh.
While he's in a meeting with his guards, he can't stop thinking about Celery Brain and their first time.
He'd barely breathed during that first time [. . . ]
Well that's more than I ever wanted to know about Nacho's kinks.
In all seriousness, he was trying to be 'gentle'. And I'm not going to explain anything else because I'm already thoroughly grossed out. He's so caught up in his sex memories that he misses a question from one of his guards. And he can't even ask why the man is wondering if they need more guards at the carnival because then they'd realize he wasn't listening.
Wow, we go from conjecture that Nacho is terrible at his job to being explicitly told that he is.
Cel interrupts before he can figure out what to say.
Everyone in the room shifted to look at the door, and as she smiled, he fought the urge to smash in the face of the guards who looked at her so appreciatively.
How dare those guards appreciate the fact that Cel is smiling at them!
She says Evil King Papa wants to speak with him, but she's just trying to get him out of his mandatory meeting. He leaves with her and Cel tells him that everyone's gone from her rooms until dinner. Unfortunately, Nacho has meetings all day and another one in twenty minutes.
OH MY GOD.
THEY HAVE SEX IN A BROOM CLOSET. NOOOOOO GOD.
Hey, guess what, Nehemiah and Cel are eating on Nehemiah's bed again, having girl talk about Cel's sex life.
Because that's EXACTLY what I signed up for when I started reading a book series about an assassin in a brutal fantasy world.
Nehemiah then gets all sad and tells Cel that Evil King Papa wants her to tell the rebels to stop rebelling. It's implied that if she doesn't, then the rebels will be slaughtered. Nehemiah is torn between going home to Eyllwe or staying in Rifthold. And no one else in her family can deal with the rebels because they're so busy and they've never heard of delegating, I guess.
Nehemiah doesn't know what to do and tries to get Cel to promise to help her. I don't know what she expect Cel to do since NO ONE HAS REMEMBERED THAT SHE KILLS PEOPLE FOR A LIVING. I guess since she hasn't actually killed anyone except for Davis, everyone's forgotten this fact. And yes, killing a monarch means that there is a power vacuum and creates a lot of other problems, but that's what Prince Fizzbitch is for.
"Promise me that you'll see my father's crown restored to him. That you'll see my people returned from Endovier and Calaculla."
"I'm just an assassin."
They argue over whether or not to raise an army against Evil King Papa because apparently that's their only option. They argue over who has the biggest tragedy in their kingdoms and whether or not it's worth it to stand against EKP.
Nehemiah then pulls out the fact that Elena chose Cel. Part of the problem is that Cel is afraid that EKP will just massacre everyone in Eyllwe, and Nehemiah then tells her that he has worse things than soldiers to destroy people. She also says that EKp has a twisted power and implies that it's dark magic.
Cel tries to deflect the conversation, but Nehemiah refuses. She calls Cel selfish and says she was hoping Cel not killing her targets meant she was working to undermine EKP. Cel is so angry she starts to leave.
"I didn't realize you were such a coward."
Nice one, Nehemiah, though "lazy" would be more apt.
"When your people are lying dead around you," [Celaena] hissed, "don't come crying to me."
Her people are currently dying. That's why she came to you begging for help. God. What a dick.
AND NO ONE HAS FIGURED OUT CELAENA HAS THE ABILITY TO KILL PEOPLE (and by people I mean Evil King Papa).
Chapter 25
This is a weird chapter with no names, just "the queen" and "the princess". The queen is saying something like "one of them has to break" and the prince isn't ready. The Queen is obviously Elena, and the princess is obviously Nehemiah. Anyway, they decide it has to be "her", and that the princess has to go do something.
The princess says "she" won't understand and she won't be able to be pulled back from going over the edge. This is all super confusing if you don't know what's going to happen later on in the book. Which I do. And it's 100% rage-inducing.
End of chapter.
Chapter 26
Nacho is on a hunt with several lords who don't know how to use bows. He has a lot of internal thoughts about how much he hates the lords that I don't care about. He also wonders what his father would think of Celery Stick. Apparently his father liked submissive women which means that they would not have gotten along.
Evil King Papa points out that Nacho is distracted. Considering he's been distracted since before he started doing the monster mash, I'm surprised it took EKP this long to notice. Two other guards are flanking the king as body guards.
Apparently Nacho is discreetly killing game and pretending one of the lords had done it. Which doesn't make sense considering hunting arrows are usually distinctive to the person who owns, with fletching and length. And these men are definitely rich enough to have custom made arrows.
Evil King Papa then tells Nacho that Nehemiah is to be questioned the next night in the council room. He asks for several guards outside of the room to insure that no one interrupts.
EKP kills a pheasant and goes on, and Prince Fizzbitch comes up and mentions he hasn't seen Nacho in a few days. Nacho implies he's been "busy".
Fizzbitch tells Nacho to "treat her well" so it's obvious he knows that they've been making the beast with two backs. Fnar-fnar.
Nacho decides not to tell Cel about the questioning, because EKP says he wouldn't hurt Nehemiah (IF YOU CAN'T TRUST THE MURDERING CONQUERER). He is thinking about this while naked in bed with her (she's sleeping at least). He finds his clothes and goes for a walk in the gardens. He decides he'd kill himself before killing Cel, even if EKP orders it.
He fantasizes about marrying her. And he's so distracted that someone comes up behind him and essentially chloroforms him.
Actual footage of Nacho being Chloroformed.
Chapter 27
Cel wakes up to find Nacho gone. She lays in bed awhile, then decides to get up because she's hungry. I have no idea why this is relevant.
She receives a list of names from Archer while she's eating. Nehemiah doesn't show up for Wyrdmark lessons. She's still put out from their argument the day before. Cel does some spying (it's called stalking in the book), she wants to see Nacho but she can't find him. She doesn't think anything of this, so when evening comes and he's still not around she goes to his room.
She starts freaking out and starts running. He's not in his rooms, but there is a note with her name on it. It's on top of his sword, which wasn't there that morning.
WE HAVE THE CAPTAIN. WHEN YOU'RE TIRED OF STALKING US, COME FIND US HERE.
Holy shit, Cel is the worst at stealth. THE WORST.
The note goes on to tell her not to bring anyone because if she does, Nacho will die. If she doesn't come by the next morning, they'll kill him.
She snaps.
An icy, endless rage swept through her, wiping away everything except the plan that she could see with brutal clarity. The killing calm, Arobynn Hamel called it.
We couldn't see any of this before?
POV switch to Nacho, who is chained up, thirsty, and has a headache. He doesn't know who has him captive because they are wearing hoods. They also beat him up a bit.
Also they watched him pee in the corner.
He figures out that they're waiting for something, and he wonders if they're a rebel group. He hears someone say "She" and realizes they're waiting for Cel. He threatens them if they hurt Cel, though he's not really in a position to do so. The captors even tell him that.
Nacho asks what they want with her, and one of them (that Nacho says is a warrior by how he moves) tells him to mind his own business and to shut up.
[. . .] or else I'll cut our your filthy royal tongue."
(psst, Nacho isn't royal)
Nacho decides this is all Archer's fault and that he's going to kill Archer when he gets free. The captor tells Nacho that he was entirely too easy to capture, and Nacho calls him a coward.
Nacho, just admit that you suck.
The captor uses the word "pragmatic" and Nacho decides he's a scholar in spite of the fact that servant Philippa used big words and grammar before. Nacho tells him he doesn't know how badass Cel is. Clearly none of the rest of us do either considering SHE NEVER DOES ANYTHING.
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