Wish me luck.
Chapter 39
Prince Fizzbitch thinks about how wonderfully intoxicating Cel is as they dance. It's boring. There are a lot of jealous girls watching them. You know, at least in the new Cinderella movie the other ladies at the ball weren't all like 'OMG HOW DARE THAT BITCH DANCE WITH THE PRINCE'. They just watched.
There is banter. Because that's the only way Cel knows how to interact with the male species, I guess.
We find out that Cel locked her new puppy in her dining room, and Prince Fizzbitch asks why she didn't send the pup to the kennels.
"On Yulemas? I couldn't think of sending her back to that wretched place!"
He suddenly fought the urge to kiss her--hard--upon the mouth.
I'm not even joking, she insults the kennels where he spends all of his time and who are GOING TO TRAIN HER DOG FOR HER, and he's like "d'awww she's hot". Also didn't she tell him two chapters ago that she wanted to send the dog to the kennels while she's training with Nacho? What a maroon.
Nacho is watching them and he's frowning. One of the other courtiers asks who she is, and Nacho gives her alter ego. He also asks if "Lady Lillian" is courting the prince, and Nacho says no. The courtier says it looks as though Prince Fizzbitch is in love, and Nacho shrugs off his assessment.
Nacho is jealous and he also doesn't want Prince Fizzbitch to be hurt by Cel. He leaves the ball because gosh darnit, let's leave the assassin all alone without guards in a room full of rich, influential people.
What a maroon.
Hey, look, it's Kaltain! She's in "rage and agony" because Prince Fizzbitch is only dancing with Cel. She recognizes Cel instantly (As Lady Lillian of course). The obvious conclusion is that Cel has absolutely no idea how to fly under the radar even if she wanted to. You know, since every character who has met her has recognized her.
World's. Greatest. Assassin.
Anyway, Kaltain compliments Duke Perrington and it's clear he's pushing harder and harder to have sex with her and she's trying to put it off. Her head starts to hurt a bit, and Kaltain decides "Lillian had to be eliminated."
And we don't get to hear anything else because then we switch back to Cellulite. She leaves the ball and Ress is just standing there, waiting to take her back. If you don't remember, Ress is one of the guards at her room and he just... left her alone in the ball.
What a maroon.
He takes her back to her rooms and she thinks about the ball. She's so distracted that she doesn't notice Prince Fizzbitch is waiting for her and talking to the other guards at her room (I'm not even going to snark that because seriously). The two of them go into her rooms.
Prince Fizzbitch is all whiny because she didn't say good-bye. There's some banter about how he beat her to her rooms.
"I'm impressed you got up here so quickly--and without a pack of court ladies hounding after you. Perhaps you should try your hand at being an assassin."
Well, he'd probably be better at it than Cel. Just sayin'.
Prince Fizzbitch kisses her.
Actual Footage of these two maroons kissing
It's a typical YA novel kiss with a lot of explanation of what's going on and how Cel likes kissing Prince Fizzbitch. It's gross because I hate these two people.
She pulls away when she realizes she's supposed to hate Dorian too, and when he moves in for another kiss she tells him she has to go to bed (alone). They wish each other goodnight and Cel is all heady and full of feeling.
We switch to Prince Fizzbitch for three extremely short paragraphs (two are two sentences). He decides to pursue Cel.
Then we end the chapter with Nacho watching Cel dance on the balcony from the courtyard. He's jealous, but it doesn't say so in as many words.
Chapter 40
Now cel is awakened by her puppy licking her face because we can't get through this book without every character sneaking up/waking her up.
Prince Fizzbitch is there too, and tells her he took the puppy out with the other dogs to relieve herself. This dog is frankly pretty easy to care for considering she was so ill-tempered that euthanasia was an option.
It's one in the afternoon, by the way.
Prince Fizzbitch asks if Cel had named the puppy yet, and they discuss names. Cel decides on Fleetfoot and all I can think of is Asahel who wouldn't stop chasing Abner in 2 Samuel from the Old Testament.
But Asahel refused to give up the pursuit; so Abner thrust the butt of his spear into Asahel’s stomach, and the spear came out through his back. He fell there and died on the spot. And every man stopped when he came to the place where Asahel had fallen and died.
Abner has killed more people than Cel has in this novel, by the way. Yay for Old Testament studies.
"Fleetfoot." It was a perfect name. In fact, it felt as if the name had existed all along, and she'd finally been clairvoyant enough to stumble across it. "Yes, Fleetfoot."
"Does it mean anything?" he asked, and the dog raised her head to look at him.
No snark is snarky enough to make fun of Prince Fizzbitch's utter and incapacitating stupidity.
She refuses to tell him that she really liked it and they end up in an argument about nothing. She apparently decides to change on the balcony. Literally, she moves to the balcony and then asks if Prince Fizzbitch is going to watch her change. Why doesn't she just go to her full-sized dressing room? Why is this book so dumb? Why am I still reading this sucky, sucky book?
Prince Fizzbitch doesn't reply because he's staring at the scars visible on her back. Then Cel goes to the dressing room (?!?! Why wasn't that an option from the start?).
We then see Kaltain again, walking with Duke Perrington in a greenhouse. The Duke picks a lily for Kaltain and she thanks him even though she finds him repulsive. The Duke has noticed that she's not in high spirits and comments on it. She tries to play it off, and he remarks that he saw how she was watching Prince Fizzbitch. They talk about how much they don't like "Lady Lillian" and Duke hints that Lillian is not who she seems.
Kaltain is interested, so the Duke tells her who Lady Lillian really is and Kaltain is understandably a bit freaked that this notorious assassin has captured Prince Fizzbitch's heart. So she and the Duke plot together about how they can get rid of Cel. They decide that since Cel is obligated to make a toast and drink from the dueler's cup, that Kaltain should position herself so that she could poison the goblet.
It's more subversive than ANYTHING Cel has done so far in this novel, and I'm impressed. Why am I not supposed to admire Kaltain as a character again? Kaltain is a bit against the idea of killing Cel herself, and the Duke explains that they wouldn't kill her, just give her a subastance that would make her lose control and have Cain easily defeat her in the duel.
Wasn't it supposed to be a four way duel, or did they just decided "Screw it" since half the competitors were found eaten in the hallways?
Kaltain's head starts throbbing painfully again, and it's pretty clear Duke Perrignton is the cause of her pains. She decides that she'll even help commit murder if it gets her Prince Fizzbitch and damn this girl is more committed than Cel ever was. Ya gotta respect that, even if you don't like her.
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