I am a glutton for punishment, I guess.
Because this book loves me, this chapter starts off from Prince Fizzbitch's POV. He's watching Cel thrash about. He wonders if there was something in the wine and if she can see things other people can't, though at this point I'd just figure it was brain damage considering CAIN SLAMMED HER SKULL INTO THE SIDE OF THE CLOCK TOWER.
Cel screams and Prince Fizzbitch tells Nacho to stop the duel. Nacho doesn't.
'
Cain punches Cel again, and Fizzbitch knows the "duel" (which should have been called FOREVER ago in favor of Cain considering cel is incapacitated) won't end until Evil King Papa stops it or "Cain knocks her unconscious". That is literally not what happened with the other 2 duels. What the fuck.
He had to remind himself that any interference--even trying to say that her wine had been drugged--might result in her disqualification.
SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED ALREADY SINCE SHE'S NOT FIGHTING BACK AND IS OBVIOUSLY INCAPACITATED. SHE SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST BEEN KNOCKED UNSCONSCIOUS THOUGH WORSE WHEN CAIN SLAMMED HER HEAD INTO A STONE WALL. SHE IS RAVING LIKE A LUNATIC.
SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED AGES AGO.
At this point Cain is literally torturing Cel
Cel tries to crawl away and she's leaving blood and saliva in her wake. Nehemiah steps up beside Prince Fizzbitch. She says something in her language and she draws symbols in the air with her fingers. Cel manages to get to a kneeling position.
We then switch to Cel, and she's trying to get out of her hallucinations. She's still seeing the Dead things. Cain looks all shadowy with burning eyes. She realizes she's going to die soon.
I wish Cain would just kill her already. Then I could be done with this book and never have to worry about it again. But then she decides she wants to live.
A demon attacks her and she screams. She sees doors everywhere opening. Is this still a hallucination? I hate how this book shows hallucinations. Even with Kaltain it's kind of weird.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
And from another world, Elena swept down, cloaked in golden light. The ancient queen's hair glittered like a shooting star as she plummeted into Erilea.
THIS IS CLASSIC DEUS EX MACHINA. LIKE, STRAIGHT UP DEUS EX MACHINA.
Elena "blasts through" the dead, and as Cain tries to swing his sword at Cel, a blast of wind pushes him to the ground, causing his sword to fly away from him.
DEUX EX MACHINA ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.
LIKE THIS ISN'T EVEN SUBTLE.
You know what would have been impressive? If Cel managed to beat Cain in spite of his hulked out magical powers and in spite of her drug addled brain. If she had managed to fight off the effects of the poison, and do some underhanded assassin tricks against her opponent. I would have REALLY believed that she was as good as she said, yes, even after everything else in this book.
But no. She has to be saved by a DEAD WOMAN from another dimension.
Fucking Deus Ex Machina.
UGH MY DISGUST FOR THIS BOOK IS SO RIDICULOUS RIGHT NOW.
ANYWAY, Elena attacks Cain, and a golden light protects her from the dead so they can't charge for her. The demons try to rally, but Fairy Princess cuts them down. Elena moves over to Cel and tells her that she can't protect her (why not? She's doing a bang up job of it so far!). And then she removes the poison from Cel's body because why the fuck would we want her to have actual consequences in this book.
Cain manages to get to his feet, and the wind blows the wooden staff back to Cel. Elena tells her that once the poison is gone, she won't have her hallucinations (or I guess they're reality, I don't know or care).
Anyway, the duel is still on, even after all of this bullshit. Cain tells Cel that everyone was brought there for some unfinished game by the powers that be. It's weird.
Elena throws some blue light at Cain, and it destroys his shadowy body (but not his real body). Elena is still holding off the dead and the demons.
Cel wonders why Elena is there (DO YOU REALLY NOT KNOW WHY SHE'S THERE YOU GREAT MORON? YOU WERE ABOUT TO DIE). She can feel the poison leaving her body.
Cel stands up at Elena's order, and the poison is fully gone. Cain walks over to her.
This stupid freaking chapter is over.
Chapter 50
INSTEAD OF FINISHING HER OFF, CAIN ASKS HER ABOUT A MARK ON HER FACE. Nehemiah gasps from the sidelines and apparently Cel can hear it.
Cain tries to chop off her head, but Cel moves forward. Cel stabs him in the side with her broken staff. She also then slices his arm open instead of... I don't know. Cain tries to attack her, but she moves away while cutting that arm.
Cain falls to the ground, and she kicks him and then holds the jagged end of the staff at his neck.
You know, considering Cain had every opportunity in the world to kill this asshole, I want to say he deserves it, but I'm just so pissed at this book that I am mad at everything.
For a heartbeat, she considered killing him right there, so he couldn't tell anyone what he knew--about her, about her parents, about the Wyrdmarks and their power. If the king knew any of that . . . Her hand trembled with the effort to keep from driving the spearhead into his neck, but Celaena lifted her bruised face to the king.
Why not kill him then? You wanted to kill him so many times before, it's not like you give a shit. It would solve all the problems and if you're worried about getting into trouble, you could pretend like your hand slipped.
God.
I have never seen an assassin be so careful about NOT killing before in my life.
None of the councilmen watching had seen all of the hallucination stuff, so they're all clapping like "wtf". Evil King Papa begrudgingly announces her the winner.
If he's that pissed about it, have Cel killed and announce Cain the victor. YOU ARE A KING, NO ONE IS GOING TO GIVE A SHIT. Except Prince Fizzbitch, but really?
Cel limps away from Cain. Nehemiah faints, Cel's knees give out, and Prince Fizzbitch throws himself out her "murmuring her name again and again."
Cel laughs because she's so happy she won.
POV to Prince Fizzbitch. He's taking stock of her injuries. Cain is fuming. Fizzbitch calls for a healer and he's feeling guilty because "he should have stopped it when Cain first hit her." Dude, if we stopped all duels when one gets hit, then it'd be dumb and pointless.
Fizzbitch thinks that Cel would have helped him without hesitation if the situation were reversed. I'm not so sure, Miss Self-Centered over there only likes to mack on you. He also wonders who drugged her and considering the answer should be 100% obvious (DUKE AND KALTAIN AND CAIN DUH).
Cain pulls out a dagger and moves to kill Cel (!!!!!) but Nacho FINALLY DOES SOMETHING and stabs him in the heart.
Wow. Even World's Worst Captain has a higher kill count in this book than the World's Greatest Assassin (I'm not counting the ridderack because that's not a human).
Blood erupted everywhere, showering Chaol's arms, his head, his clothes. The blood reeked, somehow, of death and decay.
Cool.
Nacho then has a mini freak out over killing Cain. Because... killing people is something he never imagined he'd do as a protector of the royal family?
Nacho does the "stare at bloody hands" cliche as his guards help him move away.
Cel babbles against Fizzbitch's chest about the poison and Elena saving her, and Prince Fizzbitch has no idea what she's talking about. He kisses her hair and contemplates the now-faded mark on her forehead.
He carries her to her rooms, the physician following behind.
He was done with politics and intrigue. He loved her, and no empire, no king, and no earthly fear would keep him from her. No, if they tried to take her from him, he'd rip the world apart with his bare hands. And for some reason, that didn't terrify him.Congratulations, Fizzbitch, you now have a gigantic weak spot to every enemy you could possibly have. Including your own father.
We then switch to Kaltain. She's very confused on how Cel managed to defeat Cain (I don't blame you, sweetie). Perrington is pissed. The King is Pissed. Kaltain gets another migraine, so vicious she loses her vision for a bit. She goes over to Perrington and hisses at him over the drug not working.
The Duke then throws Kaltain under the bus, because she's holding the empty vial and Evil King Papa saw it. Kaltain tries to say that the Duke was in on it, but Perrington manages to make everyone believe it was all her doing. The guards drag her away, and she tries to say that she thought it was on orders from EKP that she poison Cel. Of course no one listens and poor Kaltain is taken away.
Sad Kaltain makes Sad Puppy Sad.
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