The chapter opens with Kelsey removing clothing from the washing machine. I wonder if she seriously washed her shirt, jeans, and underwear in one load. Because if that was my apartment I'd smack her for running up my utility bills. She's super depressed and starts eating stuff from a bakery that's not nearly as awesome as my own.
Brady (true story, I had to look again to check his name because I couldn't remember it) asks her what's wrong. There's some conversation about Kelsey breaking her sister's "laptop computer" (Yes, she calls it that. I remember 2001, people just called them "laptops"). Kelsey whines that she's a huge ass klutz and breaks or ruins her sisters' things. You know, one would think she'd STOP BORROWING THEM if it was such a problem.
Brady insists Dani won't be angry, because he's a fucking psychic. Seriously, if my sister screwed up my computer I'd be mad. I'd forgive her, but I'd be mad. Just let the girl be upset, Brady, god. In any case, he offers to go with her when she tells Dani she messed up her computer.
Kelsey hesitated. She wasn't accustomed to leaning on anyone. Never mind a husband of her very own! But in this case, it would be good to have him by her side. Especially if things were as bad as she feared they would be. "If you wouldn't mind..." Kelsey said.
You know, they have the Geek Squad for a reason, Kelsey.
Brady shrugged his broad shoulders affably as he went over to rinse out his coffee cup and plate, and slid them into the dishwasher. "What are husbands for? Besides standing guard over you and sleeping on the sofa, that is."
God, are you going to run the dishwasher with two cups and two plates? WORST GUESTS EVER. Go back to Guest 101 you jerk.
Then Brady makes an unfunny joke about hurting his back on the sofa, and Kelsey whines in prose about how she didn't sleep well alone compared to when they shared a bed. God. Seriously? Take a sleeping pill you whiner.
She also wants to have sex with Brady.
Brady again reassures Kelsey that Dani won't be upset about the computer (what universe is he living in, anyway?)
"You're sure it's broken?" Dani said, looking more panicked than she'd been about anything except her hasty marriage to Beau Chamberlain some months back. Of course she'd had good reason to be in a tizzy about that, Kelsey thought, since Dani hadn't initially believed she was married to Beau, never mind been able to remember the two of them saying "I Do."
Oh god, no. Must resist urge to find this book to rip it apart. AMNESIA YES BEST RIDICULOUS PLOT DEVICE EVER. Hell, they even used it on Full House!
The computer is dead. As dead as my soul after reading this book. The best part is that Kelsey actually talks about backing up files on a diskette OH 2001 I DON'T MISS YOU. I remember when floppy disks were floppy (I'm old).
Also, I backed up my stories like crazy in 2001. Apparently Dani is stupider than fifteen year old me. She starts crying that she lost so much work and OH MY GOD THIS WOMAN IS STUPID JUST TAKE OUT THE HARD DRIVE YOU NINNY.
Kelsey is so upset by Dani being upset that she runs out of the house to her truck. She'd forgotten her keys so she walks around crying. Brady comes to the rescue in the truck and tells her to get in. She doesn't, because how dare someone tell her what to do! Brady does something super weird. He gets out of the truck, drops to his knees in front of her (fnar-fnar), grabs her knees, and throws her over his shoulder like she's a "sack of feed."her
I do that to my nieces when we're playing and only when we're playing. If a guy did that to me when I was crying and wanted to be a lone, he would have a foot in his groin.
Brady manhandles her against the truck, then blocks her with his arms. I'm just so tired of these games that I can't even work up the energy to be angry at Brady's Douchecanoe Behavior (TM). Of course, Kelsey, while protesting his treatment, wants him to kiss her again. Ugh. Brady says they're going to Dallas because he has a tech geek friend (why didn't he mention this like, LAST CHAPTER?).
And if she had single-handedly destroyed, even inadvertantly, months of her talented sister's work, Kelsey would know everything she and everyone else in the family had ever felt about her was true. It would mean that she was and always would be a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh boo hoo go die.
They end up in the home of Maria Gonzales, Kelsey is super jealous of the woman's nice family. Instead of being up front with Brady about what she wants out of life, she just smolders and feels sorry for herself. Because she can't bear to have other people feel sorry for her if they knew (seriously, it's in the narrative).
Maria mentions Brady's pimp, Hargett, and Kelsey is all like OMG BRADY MADE AN EXPRESSION.
At Kelsey's asking, Maria explains that Brady facilitated a loan between her and Hargett and she got oodles of cash with a high interest rate (lol pimpin' loan shark). Then they go back to the problem at hand, Dumb Dani's computer. Brady's apparently a tech wizard (so why did they need to go to Maria's an hour and a half away?).
Kelsey is all intrigued, wondering if this was part of Brady's prostitution past (sorry, I can't help myself). She's also suspicious that Brady never mentioned Maria, who seems nice enough.
Maria magically fixes Dani's computer, and then she starts checking to see if any of the files were corrupted (which isn't explained nearly as elegantly in the book, it's worded in a very clunky manner). We find that the only stuff that was lost was Kelsey's shit that no one cared about.
When Brady tries to pay, Maria won't let him because of the whole Hargett thing. She was all "I thought I might never see you again when you ditched your pimp." And Brady is contrite. Maria invites them over for dinner, and only then does she notice that the two are wearing wedding rings. She is surprised when they tell her they've only been married three days and haven't had a honeymoon.
Of course, that's none of her business, as Maria is "just happy you got married, Brady." There's some murmurings about Rexanne (ROXANNE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR THAT DRESS TONIGHT Oh sorry, REXanne).
No seriously, that's her name. REXANNE. No typo there. Jeezus.
And Brady makes her shut up and this chapter is over and the day is saved by Maria the computer wizard.
Rexanne...
ReplyDeleteI need to go bang my head against a wall now.