Heir of Fire Ch. 4-6

It's snowing, I have tea, and I have to go to the doctor today... Yay!


Chapter Four

We open this chapter with something completely different... Or someone, I guess. a witch named Manon. She's a witch hiding in her closet because some men broke into her house. Apparently in this village, people are petrified of witches. And considering how batshit Baba Blacksheep was in the last book, I'm not surprised. The men are stealing her stuff and are armed.

Manon does have iron teeth, and I'm still curious as to how they're not rusting in her mouth. Magic? She also has iron claws on her fingers. She kills the men. She's looking for Crochan witches, the "good ones".

Manbun's full name is Manon Blackbeak by the way.

Anyway, she's the heir to the Blackbeak clan and totes evil.

Chapter Five

And we're back to Cel and Rowboat. They're riding along. Cel is absolutely exhausted from living, I guess, and they ride into a forest as they hear thunder.

He didn't falter one step in the growing dark, though Celaena certainly stubbed her toes against a few rocks and roots.

Wow, we're in book three and we're still getting evidence that Cel is a shitty assassin. C'mon, son, you'd have learned to walk in the dark in your first year of training.

Rowboat won't light a fire because it's dangerous, I guess. Cel sees some tiny fairies or whatever they are.

Oh hey, we finally get some answers to a question I had in the last book.

Her great-grandmother had been Maeve's sister, proclaimed a goddess when she died. Ridiculous, really. Mab had been very much mortal when she tied her life to the human prince who loved her so fiercely.

So she was recently proclaimed a goddess. Also, Luthien and Arwen Undomiel much?

Cel tells the fairies that their kind is still alive in the West. Rowboat doesn't react, but she thinks he knew what was going on the whole time... I guess?


Chapter Six

Prince Fizzbitch is standing by Evil King Papa at breakfast. Fizzbitch goes to the tombs quite frequently for no reason. EKP tells Fizzbitch that he has to "entertain" Adidas. Fizzbitch doesn't want to do it because he has actual work to do, but he has no choice.

Fizzbitch can't help himself and asks EKP why he even kept Adidas alive. EKP essentially tells him "because reasons and because he won't kill his country men" even though I got the sense that he was doing exactly that in the last scene? IDEK.

Adidas doesn't want to do anything but walk in the gardens. Adidas is a manwhore and apparently leers at all the ladies he passes. And apparently he trips Prince Fizzbitch at one point into a patch of thorns because he's a dickwad.

This part is super boring by the way.

Prince Fizzbitch goes back to his room and thinks about how Nacho wouldn't order the death of innocent people, so therefore he knew that Cel wouldn't actually skill the Ashryver's. ONce again, I am stunned at how reluctant this book is to have an assassin kill anyone to the point where other characters won't order actual hits.

Fizzbitch goes to the healers' "catacombs" to have one look at his hand that fell in the rosebush (really? That doesn't seem conducive to a healing environment). It's so they can have privacy away from the glass part of the castle, and they do have another ward for people who "won't" make the trek to the catacombs.

Okay, this is dumb. Some people PHYSICALLY CAN'T make treks into a bunch of catacombs. Obviously the healers make room calls, as we've seen before, but still. What the hell. You're going to make an arthritic old lady walk down into the catacombs if she needs some ointment or whatever and judge her if she can't by saying she can't "deign to make the trek?" Jeez louise this book is an asshole to people.

Anyway, Fizzbitch finds a healer and immediately notices her looks. Because this is his new love interest, I guess.

She examines his hand and cleans it. 

That explained why she looked so familiar. She'd healed not ony him that night a month ago, but Celaena, Chaol, Fleetfoot  . . . had been there for all of their injuries these past seven months.

Wow, Fizzbitch... she's been healing your asses for seven months and you couldn't even be bothered to remember what she looks like?

Her name is Sorscha. She reassures him that even though they keep patient records, they don't write down everything. AKA doctor patient confidentiality.

We switch to Sorscha's POV. Apparently his cuts didn't need bandages but she has the TOTAL HOTS for Fizzbitch so she put them on anyway. She remembers healing Cel after the duel in the first book, and remarks to herself that Celery got some from both Fizzbitch and Nacho.

Occasionally, she'd checked on the girl and found the prince holding her in bed.

Wow. So apparently Cel didn't notice a healer checking in her? Obviously this is retconned but still. WTF. Worst Assassin Ever.

Also Philippa had asked her for contraceptives for Celery and that's how Sorscha knew that Cel and Nacho were bumping uglies. Pretty much we just get a running tally of injuries that Sorscha helped deal with.

Celaena Sardothien. World's greatest assassin and now the King's CHampion. Another secret Sorscha would keep without them ever knowing.

...I'm pretty sure that after she was named the King's Champion that her identity was no longer a secret.

Oh, delightful, Sarsparilla's been in love with Prince Fizzbitch for six years.