Screw you Cellulite
Chapter 15
Nacho is waiting for his dad. Who's late. BTW Nacho totally has a suit of armor (which he "rarely" wears) in the corner of his room.
I like to think he poses it like this
A desk he'd inherited from his predecessor, and one on which he and Celaena had--
GROSS. YOU DID THAT ON YOUR WORK DESK? GROSS.
Nacho's dad is being a condescending asshat, but I don't really care. Apparently Nacho has done nothing to prepare himself to go back to his hometown or wherever, including finding a replacement. Nacho needs time to find a good one. Let's hope his successor is better than Nacho. It's not a high bar.
Nacho is also still trying to get blackmail material on Adidas, and failing, because it's the worst fizzityucking idea in the history of this book and that's saying something. The Bane still hasn't arrived, and he's hoping to catch Adidas tonight.
I still have no idea why he thinks blackmailing Adidas is going to do freaking anything when he literally has the authority to put a city-wide ban on these sorts of parties considering he is the CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD.
Oh, and he has another insane plan (and that's his word for it). He wants to find out if the rebel group from the last book really does know how to free the magic from Evil King Papa's grip.
I find it weird that the king has no name. Like, it's not a thing that no one can say or think his name. He just randomly doesn't have one (and I think I read that he never gets one).
Nacho's dad brings up the fact that he sent Cel to Wendlyn. And... drops it just as quickly. Okay. He keeps goading Nacho to honor his bargain and come back to Anielle. His dad passes over an envelope (or... an envelope lands on his desk).
flying envelopes!
It's from Nacho's mom. Nacho says he doesn't want to read it. So his dad takes it back. This is all very stupid.
Nacho has two months to pick a replacement and go home.
We switch POVs to Sorscha or Sarsparilla or whatever her name was. She's called up to Prince Fizzbitch's rooms. HIs room is messy. He has a hurt hand and a split lip.
This one looked like it was from sparring, but the lip . . . getting that close to him would be an effort of will.
Oh what the fizzityuck? You're the worst healer ever if you can't control your hormones to be a goddamn professional and clean up a split lip.
Sarsparilla then continues to be the most unprofessional healer ever, thinking about his soap caressing her nose (not even joking, that's what the line says. This writing is so bad) and imagining Fizzbitch naked. Fizzy asks if she's going to ask what happened.
"It's not my place to ask--and unless it's relevant to the injury, it's nothing I need to know."
How do you know if it's relevant if you DON'T FIZZITYUCKING ASK. God, is everyone in this book taking stupid pills?
Sarsparilla thinks about her past, which involves a massacre in the city square (gonna elaborate? Apparently not). Fizzbitch asks where she's from. She's from some place called Fenharrow, so Fizzbitch asks her to elaborate, and she doesn't give the actual name.
They have some lame conversation where Fizzbitch is trying to sort of flirt with her.
She starts on his lip. Fizzbitch calls her by her name and she practically orgasms. It's really freaking pathetic.
She puts salve on the lip and thinks about how soft his lips are. God woman, pull yourself togeter. She thinks about the first time she saw him, and didn't know he was Prince Fizzbitch. He smiled at her.
He'd seen her when no one else had for years, so she found excuses to be in the upper levels of the castle.
Yeah, and he couldn't even remember you when you'd been healing him and his besties for months.
Sarsparilla is startled when Fizzy says her name, because she'd been staring at him for awhile. Does anyone actually do this? Wander off in thought and just stare at someone forever like a weirdass? I zone out sometimes, but usually I'm thinking about nachos (the food, not the terrible Captain of the Guard) or cats.
She also thinks about how she had a fling with a guard and isn't eager to repeat the experience, except Fizzbitch gives her fizzies in her stomach, or something. IDK. These two are lame. Fizzbitch has more chemistry with Nacho.
Why not both?
(Fizzbitch is the girl, he's prettier)Fizzbitch asks her why she never told about the various injuries the Wonder Triplets had, and she says something vague about how he was nice to the healers. Sarsparilla tells him that her village was burned and that her parents were killed in an immigrant purge.
That's delightful.
Fizzbitch apologizes for the horrible things that happened to her. She leaves. She's so embarrassed that she decides not to see Fizzbitch anymore (okay?). The next day, she gets a message asking what the name of her village was. I guess he wants to remark it on his map? I don't know, it doesn't make much sense to me. Whatever.
Chapter Sixteen
OH hey, another mindnumblingly boring chapter about Manbun Blackhawk.
Not that one
Okay so since I find Manbun supremely lame, I'm going to super sum up this chapter.
The witches are training with Wyverns in shifts. And the tensions are high because all the witches want bull wyverns in spite of the fact that females are probably a lot smarter. The witches are dicks to each other.
These assholes can't even eat together without the threat of someone dying. There's a conversation in the food line about flying and shit.
Apparently these bitches have retractable iron teeth. Because that is a thing that makes sense.
They then go flying. Manon gets on a wyvern and they go to some thing called the crossing which is dangerous. I don't care. The other witches come to watch. They go flying.
Manbun's grandma compliments her later and she puts Manbun in charge of all the witches. Or sort of, she has to participate in war games to do so? I don't know, it's weird.
Fizzbitch and Nacho is best ship
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