But I still have like eighteen chapters to read. sigh.
Cel is in the temple. It is, unsurprisingly, entirely built of glass.
LOOKIT THIS AWESOME GLASS CHURCH
I wish I understood the significance of glass to the King. It would make this world building a lot more interesting, but my guess is WE NEVER FIND OUT.
Cel is wondering why they let her come to the Temple instead of the Ball. Author's whim, I guess. She stands up to look at everyone, and Nacho pulls her down with a growl. We get a bit of information on the Priestess, mostly that she has an eight-pointed star tattooed on her forehead and she wears a midnight-blue gown. She greets the worshippers, and IMMEDIATELY Cel yawns. Jeez.
She respected the gods-if they existed, and when it suited her to ask for their assistance-but religious ceremonies were . . . brutal.
And then she goes on to explain what the ceremonies were like and it sounds like a typical Christian church service. So more just boring than actually brutal, eh? No one's forcing you to actually participate. And if she hated them so much why did she go? Couldn't she just pretend to be ill? I MEAN SHE PUKES AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION JUST SHOVE A BIT MORE CANDY IN YOUR FACE.
I'm not annoyed that she's not interested in the ritual of religion. I'm annoyed that she's such a big baby about it when she could have easily begged off. And Nacho calls her on it so I'm starting to like him a gain.
The Priestess continues talking about Christmahannakwanzika, and it's the birthday of Lumas "Lord of the Gods".
Immediately Cel falls asleep because she's the best assassin ever.
Nacho wakes her up by snarling in her ear and damn if I didn't know any better I would think he hates Cel as much as I do. I"m bummed that I know he has a high school crush on her. Cel jolts awake and asks Nacho how long she was asleep directly after figuring out exactly where they were in the service.
Best. Assassin. Ever.
Plz
Nacho doesn't answer, and then she decides he was asleep too and they banter a bit and I hate everything and I want them all to die.
The 'procession of gods' starts, and several children, who are blindfolded are... I have no idea what they're doing. They enter, the congregation stands, and then we get nothing about what the children are doing. Okay.
A child stops by Prince Fizzbitch but gives a sword to Duke Perrington. It's weird.
Deanna, Goddess of the Hunt and Maidens (WOW THE AUTHOR EVEN RIPPED OFF OF GREEK/ROMAN MYTHOLOGY AND DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO HIDE IT) gives Cel an arrow, which is made of solid gold.
She tries to give it to Nacho because it's a weapon? I don't know, but Nacho gives it back to her because why wouldn't he give her a stabby thing? Which is pretty much all a solid gold arrow is useful for.
I'm bored!
Chapter 38
Oh god not another make over scene.
Yards of silk, clouds of powder, brushes, combs, pearls, and diamonds glistened before Celaena's eyes. As Philippa arranged the last strand of Celaena's hair neatly around her face, secured a mask over her eyes, and nose, and placed a small crystal tiara on her head, Celaena couldn't help but feel, despite herself, a princess.
Philippa calls herself a Faerie Queen for no reason and then says she barely recognizes Cel. Which is good since she's supposed to be in cognito.
It's also her "first ball where she wasn't there to kill someone". AND WE DON'T GET TO SEE THOSE BALLS? DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU REFUSING TO SHOW US COOL THINGS.
Philippa then tells her not to tell anyone she helped Cel if Cel gets caught and this makes Cel irritated, because of course. We then get a paragraph description of her silvery dress (Oh, sorry, "grayish offset" wtf).
I'm wondering where the hell they got this fancy of a dress and MASK on such short notice. That shit ain't cheap.
Cel actually asks that so I'm shocked. Philippa doesn't answer, not really, so I'm guess it came out of a plot hole. Philippa then asks how cel plans on getting out without alerting the guards. So she's going to lie to them about being invited by Prince Fizzbitch (instead of using the ESCAPE ROUTE okay, though I suppose that would be hard in a ridiculous dress). Philippa then wants to make sure she won't get in trouble if Cel is caught.
Cel's gamble works.
THESE ARE SOME SHITTY GUARDS.
Hell one of the guards even ASKS HER TO SAVE HIM A DANCE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.
At least they escort her, as she takes Ress's arm. They walk to the great hall, and Ress LEAVES HER THERE. What. I don't.
Does not compute.
BTW she's packing her shiv. I bet she could have filed down a hair clip and it would have been better, but what do I know I'm not THE WORLD'S GREATEST ASSASSIN.
And because this book hates me, we switch to Prince Fizzbitch's POV. He recognizes Cel instantly and he's like 'omg wtf'. A lot of people are turning to stare at her because she's just so stunning in her stupid dress. It's all very Cinderella-y, which is the point, but it's no Lily James Cinderella (I LOVED THAT MOVIE SO MUCH I CRIED OKAY).
Okay so it's not THAT bad since it's drawing on the Cinderella story, but I'm cranky dangit.
Well, then it gets bad because of this:
He didn't know why, but seeing her made him feel like a man.
Prince Fizzbitch makes a move to join her, but NACHO MOVES IN FOR THE KILL. Someone asks Prince Fizzbitch if Nacho suddenly got a wife. Literally.
Dorian says he doesn't know who the woman is and goes off to pout.
We switch POV AGAIN to Cel. He isn't wearing a mask at the ball because it's "too silly", but um, he's the Captain of the Guard. I can imagine he wouldn't want anything that could obstruct his vision. THAT MAKES MORE SENSE OKAY BOOK? Please start making sense or I'm going to cry.
Nacho is PISSED.
Instead of, oh, I don't know SHARING HER SUSPICIONS TO A MAN WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP HER, she's all like "Only wanted some fun, yo."
Then she's like, "Oh, a jewel thief Nox is here but I'm not!"
Because stealing jewelry is roughly on par with MURDERING THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE.
Nacho, of course, gives in to cel probably because he doesn't feel like hearing her whine and says she can say if she behaves herself (Nacho has as much spine as nacho cheese).
We then get a boring description of the masks (aka the bare bones) and what people are doing, especially Nehemiah Tyger. At least Nacho is staying near her. Prince Fizzbitch is dancing with a well-endowed woman (why is that even relevant?! breasts are breasts are breasts).
An hour later, Celaena was beginning to curse herself for a [sic] being a fool.
Go with the feeling.
And lol on that typo that made it through to publishing. I always get a kick out of those. Anyway, Cel is beginning to think Nehemiah isn't the murderer because she's not murdering people in a ball full of people.
I mean, it's obvious Nehemiah isn't the murderer but this logic is dumb.
Then Cel mopes about being a shit friend (well, Nehemiah DID lie to you, so I think you're about even at this point). She also thinks about how the guards are going to get a tongue-lashing about this, but dude, if Nacho were at all good at his job he'd straight up fire them. Because they suck.
Celaena felt each of her heartbeats hammering in her veins as Nehemiah wove through the crowd, her guards close behind-and halted in front of Celaena and Chaol.
Okay, I get what the author is trying to say with the heartbeats but my exact first thought was that Celaena had more than one heart, a la Doctor Who. The author is very fond of strange phrasings that sort of make sense if you get it, but the first thought makes you go "what".
Nehemiah is pretending to have bad language skills again and Cel is like "why is she doing that" when OMG YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW. DO YOU REALLY NEED THIS SPELLED OUT FOR YOU.
Good lord this woman is so dumb. I'm not even joking about it. She literally lacks common sense and straight up intelligence.
Nehemiah says she's going to go back to her rooms because she's feeling unwell, and Cel wishes her to feel better. Nacho is like "what" and Cel tells him to leave it alone.
I am so bored guys.
Something could still happen-even if Nehemia wasn't here, something could happen. But no. Nehemia wouldn't repay pain with more pain. She was too good for that.
It'd be a million times more interesting if she DID repay pain with pain in this situation, but of course Cel's assessment of her character is right on the money because the plot needs her to be. It's so frustrating how this book is throwing out these really cool ideas but immediately dismissing them. Cel doesn't know Nehemia well enough to realize she was lying about her language skills. How does she think she knows Nehemia at all? She could be playing her very well.
Of course this book wouldn't explore that because reasons. Though we do get a throw away line about how her not doing anything at the ball proves her innocence. It's painfully awkwardly thrown in there.
Cel asks Nacho to dance, and he laughs in her face and I'm amused. Cel calls him cruel and his honestly upset about it.
He ain't no Cruella.
OMG a boy is mean to me wah wah wah. No one cares, Celery Stick. Nacho doesn't care and points out that Duke Perrington is there and he doesn't want to draw his attention (by dancing?!). I wish Nacho wouldn't send me mixed signals like this. I start to like him again and then he disappoints me. Please stop disappointing me, Nacho.
Chaol's eyes softened. "If he weren't here, I would have said yes."
GODDAMMIT NACHO.
Prince Fizzbitch dances by, and Nacho is like "Prince Fizzbitch is better looking than me and wants your attention" .
Cel asks why Nacho isn't dancing with anyone and he explains he's "not exactly a catch" as Captain of the Guard.
I dunno, with a lesser noble he'd be quite the catch. That's a very important job and one that has an extreme amount of trust and influence. Except that Nacho is ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AT IT so I'm guessing that's the real reason he doesn't court anyone.
Cel tries to make him feel better by telling him he's handsome and is all of a sudden like OH NO HE'S HOT.
*facepalm* God Cel, you are so boy crazy.
I am boy crazy and I"m not this boy crazy.
Prince Fizzbitch interrupts their "moment" by asking why they aren't dancing. He also calls each of them "radiant" because he's a weirdo. He jokes around with Cel about sneaking into the ball and then asks her to dance. Nacho doesn't want him to, and he repeats his assertion that it'll draw too much attention.
He's right. Everyone's watching who Prince Fizzbitch dances with, and if someone like Kaltain or Duke Perrington figured out who Cel is that could be bad.
Cel doesn't like this because she sucks.
Prince Fizzbitch tells Nacho to take the night off because that's how to make a sucky Captain of the Guard to better at his job.
Nacho peaces out because he's 100% done (stop making me like you again STOP IT I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU).
Dorian caressed her back, and she looked at him.
Okay, now I"m a little creeped out. But Cel is practically salivating about how much she wants to bone him. Prince Fizzbitch says she's beautiful and that she's intimidating (you've startled her while she's sleeping and reading how many times?
So Prince Fizzbitch asks her to dance again and so she does.
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