Chapter 43
Cel comes to. It's stupid.
Celaena gave a start and grabbed at her tunic, gaping as she found that it had somehow turned into a nightgown, and then marveled at her hand as she lifted it into the air.
Celery Stick confirmed for being HIGH AS HELL
Well, actually she's marveling at the fact that the ridderack bite is healed, but omg I laughed so hard at that. It's "completely healed" but there's still a scar. Okay. She decides that it's only possible because of magic (GOD IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT THERE'S MAGIC GOING ON JEEZ).
Nehemiah Tyger is chillin', staring at her. Fleetfoot the Problem Dog is chillin' at her feet, therefore leading me to the conclusion that Prince Fizzbitch euthanized the real dog and just switched it out for a nicer one for Cel.
Cel asks what happened, Nehemiah asks HER what happened, then tells her what happened. Essentially, Cel would have died from the bite if Nehemiah hadn't found her. Cel starts to ask a question, and Nehemiah interrupts her, telling her that it's "not important." How did she know what she was going to say?
Anyway, Nehemiah then asks where Cel got the bite, and Cel comes clean about her true identity. Nehemiah realizes that Cel speaks the peasant dialect of Eyllwe, and she learned it in Endovier.
"But. . . why did you not tell me? Did you not trust me?"Seriously? Nehemiah, you're smarter than this. Why WOULD a notorious assassin tell you who she was? You're a PRINCESS. You should be EXTREMELY cautious of an assassin.
Anyway, Cel tells her that it was on the King's orders that she keep her identity a secret, and then she explains about the competition. Nehemiah is not impressed.
"Before you start lecturing me on my morality . . .[some other shit I don't care about]"
Wait, this is implying that Nehemiah would be totes cool with Cel being an assassin, as long as she's NOT working for the King. I mean, that would be an interesting tactic to take (especially if Nehemiah hired her to take out Evil King Papa or Prince Fizzbitch), this is just timed and worded very weirdly.
"Sure you can kill people, just as long as you don't do it on orders from this OTHER murderer!"
Cel has some weird acid trip. I have no idea what's going on, just read it:
She couldn't breathe fast enough, not as the door inside her mind opened and closed, and the images that Celaena had made herself forget flashed before her eyes. She closed them, wishing for darkness.
Nehemiah comes over and sits on the bed next to her, along with her stupid ass dog. Nehemiah holds Cel's hand and tells her that she's her dearest friend (that's kind of terrible that your best friend is a lying assassin instead of maybe someone back home but I'm not here to judge). Then she gives this whole spiel about how Cel hurt her by suspecting her or whatever. I'd be more apt to think this was sweet if I didn't hate both of them and if this book were actually plotted with good characterization.
Then Nehemiah gives her an uber special name, Elentiya, and kisses her on the forehead. It means "Spirit That Could Not Be Broken" and I'm just sighing in exasperation over here.
She could feel the name fall upon her like a shimmering veil. This was unconditional love. Friends like this did not exist. Why was she so fortunate as to have found one?
You know, if this were any decent kind of book, this would be really cool if we found out that Nehemiah was totally playing her. And vice versa. But no, Cel thinks that Nehemiah is a good person because she gave her some mystical name, so therefore Nehemiah is a good person.
I just, for once, would love to be surprised by this book by taking a situation and turning it on it's head. But no, I'm not going to get any of that. Everything is laid out straightforward in the most bland way possible.
Nehemiah then asks about how Cel became an assassin and ended up in the castle, and thankfully we don't have to read it.
I'm pretty sure Cel is high still
The next morning, Cel and Nacho are walking. Somewhere. She didn't tell Nehemiah about Cain or the ridderack, and I guess Nacho doesn't need to know either. I mean, it's not like he's the CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD or anything?
Nacho asks if she and Prince Fizzbitch had a fight because she's not talking. He makes polite conversation, though he might have had a tone. Nacho is like "You don't need me to watch you anymore." because he is a grade A dumbass (IN A DECENT NOVEL SHE COULD HAVE BEEN PAID AT ANY TIME TO BUMP OFF FIZZBITCH). He also tells her that she's going to win the competition, though not in so many words.
Boring banter.
She wanted to tell him about Cain. She'd wanted to tell him when she saw him at her door this morning. She wanted to tell him everything.
THEN FUCKING TELL HIM OH MY GOD.
She decided not to, because then she'd have to show him the secret passageways and she wasn't ready for him to make her move away from them. So. Um. She's just going to let Cain wander around doing whatever the fuck he wants? I mean, this would be perfect if we had evidence that Cel was a ruthless assassin, but mostly she bitches about Kaltain and whines about everything. Also, what's to stop Cain from trying to come after her again?
WHY DO YOU INSIST ON DOING ILLOGICAL THINGS TO MOVE THE PLOT FORWARD?!
Nacho then asks if she knows "what you're getting into with Dorian?" and she doesn't answer because why would she? If he's that concerned about it he can force her not to see him. WHICH HE SHOULD HAVE DONE FROM THE START.
I want to rewrite this book better.
After one hour of swordplay practice (training? who cares!), Nacho asks her about a book she read that was poetry. She says that epic poetry isn't boring or pretentious (holy shit has she read any? I mean, I love me some Beowful but Epic Poetry can TOTALLY be pretentious).
Nacho pretty much says the same thing (STOP MAKING ME LIKE YOU AGAIN), and as they turn a corner...
STANDING THERE IS EVIL KING PAPA.
Chapter 44
The king. Celaena's heart gave a screech and dove behind her spine.
Oh my god, how is this poor woman not dead?!
Evil King Papa moves closer to them, and by the way I don't think we've ever learned his first name. Or if we had it was mentioned like, once. But whatever. He passes by them and is staring at her the whole time. Cel wonders if he knows about Cain's ability to open portals and that wyrdmarks still work.
I'm guessing yes.
Anyway, EKP goes on and Cel thinks about how dark and evil he is for four paragraphs.
It's about that subtle
We then switch to Nacho's POV, and he's pacing his room. He had read the king's travel report, and apparently everyone in the traveling party, except the king of course, had died. Nacho is frustrated, obviously. He then thinks about how spooked Cel was when they saw Evil King Papa because she has no self-control over he emotions whatsoever. He thinks about how freaking amazing she is at everything they're doing in training.
This is really pointless. We don't need another screed on how amazing Cel is and if she's really trustworthy. These issues or lack thereof have been brought up time again in this novel. Mostly in the character's heads and not actions.
Nacho then goes back to thinking about Evil King papa, and Nacho feels like there's evil brewing or something ridiculous. I dont' know. It's boring.
And we end the chapter with Nacho being all dopey about this dumbass Assassin.
Actual footage of Nacho
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