Throne of Glass Ch. 53-55

THIS IS THE END, YOU GUYS. THIS IS THE END. FINALLY.


Chapter 53

Cel is reading a book in a very uncomfortable position (why would you tilt you seat backwards while reading? This isn't middle school. DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN WE GOT IN TROUBLE FOR TILTING OUR CHAIRS BACK CELAENA. CHAIRS COST MONEY. STOP THAT.)

She's sitting like that, with her feet up on the table, and she's still injured enough to limp while walking. This doesn't compute.

Cel decides to buy as much clothing as she possibly can, now that she's the King's Champion. Because we can't forget she's obsessed with clothes after everything that's happened. Why not use that money to help out those less fortunate, you know, the ones whose struggle you totes understand?

BTW she still hasn't received her contract from Evil King Papa.

With Philippa occupied, Nehemia and Dorian had taken to attending her--and the prince often read aloud to her long into the night.

This makes it sound like Nehemiah and Prince Fizzbitch are acting as her servants. A princess and a prince. Acting as servants. To a known assassin and criminal. Okay...... If that's the word choice you want to go with.

Nacho interrupts her reading session.

Fleetfoot loves him. Because the dog has behavior problems and don't you forget it!

Nacho asks how her injuries are doing. He's staring at her, and apparently she's showing quite a bit of skin (but aren't told how so). Oh and he's not staring at her skin, just the bandage. Cel says she's okay and then asks how HE'S doing.

He's fine as well. Cel tells him that he saved her life, and tries to thank him but Nacho tells her she owes him nothing.

"Thank you for killing Cain." He stiffened. "I--I still remember how it felt when I made my first kill. It wasn't easy."

He dropped his gaze to the floor. "that's why I cant' stop thinking about it. Because it was easy. I just took my sword and killed him. I wanted to kill him."

So... why is this book compared to Game of Thrones? Is it like "Game of Thrones has lots of death in it. There's several characters who love to kill. This book sucks."

Nacho asks how Cain knew about her parents, and she lies and says she doesn't know. Apparently they were dead, and it was raining outside, but Cel just thought the "wetness" was rainwater from the open window. So she crawled between them.

I'm calling shenanigans on that one. Especially since the wetness would be sticky once it starts to "cool" (rainwater is cold, and fresh blood is warm). Ugh. Now I'm grossing myself out and I'm not even really grossed out by blood.

Cel tries to thank him again for killing Cain, and Nacho interrupts her to say he has to go.  Nacho is really emo in this scene, by the way. Cel grabs his hand and hugs him. He hugs her back. 

Prince Fizzbitch interrupts them, and Nacho pulls away from her and leaves.

Prince Fizzbitch mentions that Nacho isn't dealing well with killing Cain, thus proving he's the worst Captain of the Guard ever. I mean, if this were a modern day twenty-something guy, this would make sense. But he's in a brutal world where his king routinely slaughters people and forces them into abject slavery. Killing people shouldn't be a foreign, tragic concept to him.

Fizzbitch mentions the hug, and Cel says she only did it because she feels bad for him. Fizzbitch then tells her that Cel is to sign the Champion contract the next day. He kisses her in celebration, but she moves away. She tells him they CAN'T BE TOGETHER OMG if she's the King's Champion. 

They argue about it for a bit, since Prince Fizzbitch doesn't care if they'd have to keep it a secret. They decide to remain just friends. It's stupid.

Cel is just happy she's so close to being free.

Cel until the next book probably

Actually this pic might work better for this scene:

Chapter 54

Nacho is back at Cel's rooms, and he's outside the dining room just staring at the door. Because he's a creeper now, I guess. He's SUPER emo about killing Cain, and I'd be more sympathetic if this world wasn't portrayed the way it is. Right now it's just annoying.

He finally goes into Cel's room, and asks where Prince Fizzbitch is. Cel tells Nacho that she ended things between them and why. Nacho is like "lol smart". 

Did she fret as he did? Did she constantly think about her blood-covered hands? But for all of her swaggering, for all of her gloating and parading about with hands on her hips ...

There was still something soft in her face. It gave him hope--hope that he had not lost his soul in the act of killing, hope that humanity could still be found, and honor could be regained . . .

Holy shit, Nacho. Melodramatic much? Did you really think you could escape killing someone if you're the freaking Captain of the Royal Guard? AND IT WAS A SELF-DEFENSE KILLING. NOT EXACTLY ON PAR WITH COLD BLOODED MURDER. How much shittier would he feel if he hadn't stopped Cain? Jeez, this book wants us to believe that this is the angsty angst fest and it's just the stupidest thing ever.

Okay so we finally find out why she was showing so much skin, she's wearing a really short nightgown. Cel asks him to stay and celebrate with her. Nacho is shmoopy in love.

Cel is dreaming again, and standing in Elena's tomb. Elena is randomly there, and the ridderack corpse is not. Elena asks how Cel is doing (how many times is this question asked in the past four chapters, sheesh). They chat about Elena being a warrior.

"You could be different," Elena said quietly. "you could be great. Greater than me--than any of us."

Goddess like Fair Queen telling Protagonist she is going to be the BEST EVER IN THE WORLD?
Check. I'm rolling my eyes into oblivion over here.

Elena tells her she found the evil and did as she asked. When Cel tells her that she did it for her own reasons, Elena's like:

Cel asks why she has to be the King's Champion. Elena gives some bullshit answer about how there are people who need to be saved by her, like Nehemiah. And Elena was "awakened" by voices crying out for salvation or something and Cel is the one who needs to save them. It's weird.

Protagnist gets a prophecy? Check.

Cel thanks her for saving her life, and Elena replies, "Blood ties can't be broken."

Cellulose confirmed as royalty.

Chapter 55

The next day, and Cel is in the Great Hall to sign her contract. She bows before Evi King Papa, with Nacho at her side.

"You have to come sign your contract," the king said, and his voice made her bones splinter.

How can such a beastly man possess this sort of power over the world?

Do you really want me to answer that question.

Evil King Papa rehashes the agreement of four years of service. And then he asks for thanks. Cel bows and thanks him and manages to sound sarcastic. Though she does think to herself that she's going to take every single assignment he gives her.

EKP then tells her that she's going to take every single assignment he gives her, with no questions asked. Evil King Papa then uses Nacho as leverage for Celaena to finish her tasks and return.

That's wonderful. Use your Captain of the Guard as leverage. Nehemiah would be a better option than that at this point. Using him as a bargaining chip will completely destroy his loyalty to you. What a maroon. Evil King Papa was so smart up until this point. I mean, using leverage is wise, but not someone who's supposed to serve him with loyalty.

He then says he'll have Nehemiah killed if Nacho's death doesn't work, so I guess he's not COMPLETELY stupid. It's still really dumb though.

Cel signs the contract. EKP dismisses her. Cel bows, looks at Fizzbitch, and then leaves.

The last little bit is of Nacho and Cel walking back to her rooms. They chat. It's pointless. Cel's getting her first mission the next day.

THIS BOOK WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. IT SUCKS. THE CHARACTERS SUCK. THE PLOT SUCKS. THE DEUS EX MACHINA SUCKS. THE WRITING SUCKS. THE STUPID DOG SUCKS. THE 'TESTS' SUCK SINCE WE DIDN'T GET TO SEE MOST OF THEM. THE VILLAINS SUCK.

IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS.