Throne of Glass Ch. 13

I'm hungry ok.



Chapter 13

Brullo releases the competitors for lunch, and Cel is starving. Nacho lets himself in while she's eating.

What is up with Nacho barging in all the time? I mean, I know she's a prisoner essentially, but that just seems rude. I expected better of you, Nacho. Anyway, he takes some of the salmon she's not eating and she makes a face

[Chaol] "You don't care for salmon?"

[Celaena] "I hate fish. I'd rather die than eating it."

No one's forcing you to eat it, you great loon. Nacho tells her she smells like fish, which is an appropriate response to this gigantic brat but childish. And to prove she's a huge ass brat, she opens her mouth to show Nacho her half chewed food.

Celaena, what the actual hell is wrong with you.

Nacho asks how she's enjoying her "temporary freedom" and Cel says she's enjoying it especially now that she has books to read. They talk about books for the lunch hour. And he goes to leave. Cel can't imagine that the Captain of the Guard would have a job to do and asks where he's going. He can't imagine he has a job to do because he says something about going to rest.

This little bit is pointless and boring.

We switch to the next morning. Nacho walks in to see Cel doing chin ups... on a doorway beam? How? Am I picturing this correctly? Help. Also Cel is very sweaty because she'd been exercising for an hour. She muses on how she can be middle of the pack but train to be better, how she wants to get an edge on the competitors (honeybuns what do you think THEY'RE doing), then she smiles at Nacho and he smiles back.

That's all and we switch to the afternoon.

And because Nacho apparently HAS NO ACTUAL JOB, he and Cel go walking around the castle while a rainstorm is going on outside. Cel is all dressed up in a lilac dress. Of course, they run into Kaltain. Kaltain is walking with another woman from another country called Eyllwe.

She's thin, has brown skin, and is wearing a lot of jewelry. Also, she's escorted by two guards who are also from this Eyllwe place. She's a princess.

Kaltain introduces the girl as Princess Nehemia Ytger. I just read that as Nehemiah Tyger, but the author's pronunciation guide tells me her name is pronounced "Neh-hee-me-ah" or something like that and I'm over here sighing heavily.. Nacho bows to her, and Cel recognizes her name. 

Nehemia, who might someday pose a threat to the King of Adarlan's rule over her home country when she ascended to the throne. Nehemia, they whispered, who smuggled information and supplies to the rebel groups hiding in Eyllwe.

If slaves, even Eyllwe slaves, are spreading rumors that this princess is smuggling information to rebel groups, you can bet your ass the king knows this if he has any sort of decent information gathering people in his employ (spies anyone?). So this should be interesting.

Cel curtsys to the princess and speaks to her in Eyllwe, and she wonders why Kaltain is showing her around instead of Dorian or Duke Perrington. Um, because maybe they thought she'd be more comfortable with another woman showing her around? Or maybe they, somehow, are friends or want to become friends? It's not like Kaltain is some random peasant, she is a lady of money and breeding, and that counts for something in this society.

We don't have enough information to assume that Kaltain is the only one who's greeted Nehemiah and that they're doing anything other than just walking together.

But of course, Cel is right. The converse in Nehemiah's language which no one else but the guards can speak.

"Yes, and the queen sent this one-" Nehemia jerked her head at Kaltain-"to bring me around with that sweating worm of a man as well." The princess narrowed her eyes at the small councilman, who wrung his hands and dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief.

Holy shit, Nehemiah is a total douche. What if Kaltain and Cel were friends? Or what if Cel was related to the councilman or also friends with him? But of course Cel finds this all amusing, which is lucky for Nehemiah the Douche over there.

They talk about how terrible a castle made of glass, and Kaltain speaks up. 

"I'm afraid I haven't understood a word you've said," Kaltain interrupted. Celaena tried not to roll her eyes-she'd forgotten the woman was there.

Wow. Cel. You're just making yourself better and better aren't you? Kaltain was NOT indicated as being rude. More confused than anything. Nehemiah tells her they were talking 'with the weather', and Kaltain corrects her "sharply".

Cel snaps at her to "Watch your mouth". Okay, so maybe Kaltain could have been nicer, but holy shit all over the place, this is a hot mess. Kaltain claims that if Nehemiah came to learn their ways, she should correct her so Nehemiah wouldn't sound so foolish.

Good god can all of these people just stop talking.

Nacho steps forward and asks if Nehemiah is touring the castle. When Nehemiah looks to Celaena for a translation, Cel remarks to herself that Nehemiah was a force to be reckoned with and that's why the councilman was so sweaty.

Cel are you high now too? Because how the hell did you make that leapfrog of logic? "Oh, you LOOKED AT ME FOR A TRANSLATION IN A LANGUAGE YOU DON'T SPEAK WELL that must mean you are powerful and admirable". Anyway, she translates Nacho's question. Cel does a bit of diplomatic translation (because Nehemiah insults the castle structure). Kaltain calls her on this because Cel sucks at diplomatic translation.

And because CEL is the one who lied about what Nehemiah actually said, she's pissy at Kaltain for calling her out on it, wanting to rip her hair out.

Nacho steps forward even more to prevent Cel from attacking Kaltain. He offers to escort Nehemiah because god forbid he has a real job.

Celaena translated again, and the princess nodded. "Get rid of her," she said flatly to Celaena, and then waved a hand toward Kaltain. "I don't care for her temperament."

"You're dismissed," Celaena said to Kaltain, flashing a bright smile. "The princess tires of your company."

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Cel and Nehemiah are some nasty pieces of work. Kaltain wasn't really nice, either, but holy shit at least she was pretending to be helpful. I don't like the expectation that I should like Cel and Nehemiah. I hate things for fun, but I wouldn't want be friends with these hateful brats. 

Nacho is starting to lose my respect, as he tells Kaltain to obey the princess's order and leave. He finds it all amusing. Goddammit Nacho!

Actual footage of me right now.

Nehemiah asks if all their royal people are like Kaltain, and Cel says "unfortunately."

NEHEMIAH TYGER YOU BLUE FOOTED BOOBY YOU WERE WAY MORE RUDE THAN KALTAIN WAS BECAUSE YOU INSULTED HER IN A LANGUAGE SHE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND, DISMISSED HER AND LAUGHED WITH CELAENA BEHIND HER BACK. KALTAIN CORRECTED YOUR GRAMMAR AND WAS SHOWING YOU AROUND AND YOU ACT LIKE SHE'S BENEATH YOU? FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON.

She remarks that Cel is "nothing like them" because Cel isn't like "other girls". Because it's one of THOSE books. Anyway, they talk about Cel's skills in speaking Eyllwe and how she learned. Nehemiah asked if it was a slave that taught her. Cel rushes to make sure the princess knows she doesn't keep slaves.

Cel remembers that she was a slave and feels guilty about the ones she left behind in Endovier. How convenient. You certainly don't give a shit about them unless it can make you look good.

She asks Nehemiah why she's in Rifthold. Nehemiah tells her she doesn't need to call her 'your highness' because they're insta-friends bonding over being terrible people and screw honorifics. She also explains that her father requested that she come to learn the language and the customs so she can better serve her people.

And she decided Kaltain was a horrible person for helping her learn the language? UGH.

But of course, there's more to Nehemiah's presence in Adarlan, because Cel is always right. Nehemiah says she'll probably be in Rifthold until spring or so, but she might have to marry an Adarlan man. 

Cel asks if she'd marry Prince Dorian, and Nehemiah dismisses him because he's a pretty boy who likes to smile? I don't know why that's such a terrible thing, but I'm pretty sure Nehemiah hates joy. Also she's annoyed at Dorian for being flirty with other women. I can see her point, but it's not like she's here to court Dorian, so who cares if he winks at other women? If Nehemiah had mentioned the gossip around Dorian's philandering and that she was to court him, then that would make perfect sense.

She turns the conversation back on Cel (who is going by her alter ego Lillian) and asks where she's from. Cel gives her fake back story.

The princess chuckled. "Rifthold smells terrible. Too many people. At least in Banjali, the sun burns up everything."

Wow you have absolutely no idea how smells work do you.

Nacho is irritated that he's excluded from the conversation. Since he's a handsome man that Cel likes, she thinks it's funny and jokes about it. Instead of thinking it was the HEIGHT OF RUDENESS like it was with Kaltain.

Nacho says they're going back to the council and have a 'word' with them about "allowing" Kaltain to show her around.

Okay, what. No. Kaltain said one slightly rude thing. She obviously wasn't fond of Nehemiah but she wasn't trashing her to her face (or in another language and behind her back). She was just... showing her around and trying to get her to say things with proper grammar. 

Nehemiah interrupts and asks Cel if she hunts. Out of nowhere. Cel says she prefers to read. Nehemiah tells her that Adarlan burned most of their books and libraries. Nehemiah then explains most of the books they get are from Adarlan, in a language she isn't very good at.

She then switches gears and throws a mini hissy, stamping her foot and exclaiming how she hates her shoes and itchy dress.

Wow. I think Cel has found her lost soulmate.

They bond over their mutual "suffering" (yes that is the word used) for fashion. Because. That's suffering all right. God. I hate these people so freaking much. This is the epitome of first world problems. They both have legitimate things to be upset about. Adarlan is burning libraries and killing and enslaving people, and they have a longer conversation on the discomfort of their clothes. It's just weird that it's juxtaposed right next to each other. Taken separately, I wouldn't be bothered by it. I would still think the clothes-complaining would be stupid, but it wouldn't feel so gross as it is now.

They're back to the council chambers and Nacho goes in to be all "you're idiots for allowing Kaltain to talk to a person."

I thought we had something special, Nacho.

Nehemiah acts all wistful and grabs Cel's hand. Cel notes she has sword callouses, and deduces she's helping the rebels. Because that's the only reason she would have sword callouses.

Nehemiah essentially asks for Cel's friendship, and Cel agrees. Nacho returns and then Nehemiah goes in to talk to the council. I wonder what this council is. Advisors? Evil King Papa's thinktank? The world may never know.

She never had many friends, and the ones she had often disappointed her.

Cel? If all that many people have a problem with you, maybe you're the problem. She reminisces about the summer she spent with the Silent Assassins and claims after that time, she swore she'd never trust girls again, especially "girls with power. . . who would do anything to get what they wanted."

WOW. OKAY WOW.

NO.

ONE GIRL BETRAYS YOU AND ALL GIRLS ARE TERRIBLE.

NO.


NO NO NO NO NO

NO

NO.

CELAENA SARDOTHIEN YOU ARE AN ASSASSIN WHO KILLS PEOPLE FOR MONEY. YOU HAVEN'T ASSASSINATED ANYONE YET IN THIS NOVEL BUT I'M TAKING YOU AT YOUR WORD.

YOU.

KILL.

PEOPLE.

FOR.

MONEY. 

HOW DARE YOU INSULT GIRLS WHO DO ANYTHING FOR WHAT THEY WANT WHEN YOU MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE. FOR. CASH. YOU ARE NOT MORALLY SUPERIOR YOU HUGE HYPOCRITE.

ONE GIRL BETRAYED YOU.

ONE.

GIRL.

That is the most Dudebro Fedora-wearin' Nice Guy statement I'd EVER seen and it came from a FEMALE CHARACTER. I hate you Celaena Sardothien.

When Nehemiah leaves, Cel thinks that maybe, JUST MAYBE she was wrong about not trusting girls.

BECAUSE MEN ARE SO TRUSTWORTHY IN THIS BOOK AMIRITE. 

We switch POV to Nacho, and because he has no life, he's watching Cel eat lunch. She stripped out of her fancy dress into a dressing gown (if she hated that other gown so much why was she wearing it? She loves fashion but hates fashion what the fuck Celaena).

Cel says he's awfully quiet. Now, Nacho has never been particularly verbose so this is a dumb statement to make. She asks if he's "enthralled by Nehemia".

Nacho calls her headstrong, and regrets it when Cel narrows her eyes. Nacho doesn't care, as he's thinking about how the king hadn't listened to Nacho's suggestions for his departure. Probably because you're terrible at your job if you have time to sit there and watch someone eat. Anyway, he notes the king didn't tell him where he was going and didn't want Nacho to come with him.

A few of the hounds had been found half-eaten in the palace, which is worrying him even more. 

Cel asks him why being headstrong is so bad. Nacho says he prefers another type of woman. 

"And what type of woman is that?"

"Not an arrogant assassin."

She pouted. "Suppose I wasn't an assassin. Would you fancy me then?"

"No."

Ah there's the ol' Nacho I know and love. But he thinks about how he can't stand her contradictions. Me too, bb, but probably for very different reasons. He ends up staring at her and Cel calls him out on it. He thinks some unflattering things about her.

But then he decides to call her clever (SHE IS THE DUMBEST PERSON SHE HAS NEVER SHOWN ANY CLEVERNESS WHAT THE HELL), "relatively kind" (WHAT WAS THAT BULLSHIT OVER KALTAIN) and 'somewhat charming" (SHE'S A HUGE DOUCHE).

OH GOD.

NACHO.

DID YOU HIT A BONG WITH DORIAN.

That's the only explanation.

He wonders why she has no "writhing darkness" and is irritated that she's not evil, because if she was, he'd throw her in the dungeon.

Nacho, go do your job please.

And we're done. And I hate this chapter with a passion.