Side note: I've heard the sequels to this book get a lot better. That's nice to know, actually. It's always good to hear about authors getting better instead of getting worse or stagnating. And hey, this book was originally written when the author was a teenager. I'm certainly a lot better at age 28 than I was at 16.
Enough chit-chat.
The prince's eyes shone with amusement at her brashness but lingered a bit too long on her body. Celaena could have raked her nails down his face for staring at her like that, yet the fact that he'd eve bother to look when she was in such a filthy state . . . A slow smile spread across her face
Unless his lingering eyes are in shock that she is emaciated and tortured after a year in the salt mines, Prince Dorian is a total FREAK.
Dorian dismisses the guards, but orders Chaol to stay. Cel of course thinks about how she's uber awesome and she could escape if she really wanted to. Dorian mentions that her freedom is on the line, and Cel is shocked.
"Yes, your freedom. So, I highly suggest, Miss Sardothien, that you get your arrogance in check before you end up back in the mines."
Dorian may have an anorexia/torture fetish, but he ain't afraid to call a spade a spade. But then he immediately does a 180 and is like "that attitude could be useful!" He continues to tell her that her father needs a Champion, and why he couldn't just pick out the best knight or guard in his service, who's proven loyal and ISN'T AN ASSASSIN WHO HATES HIM is beyond me.
I mean, Dorian's mentioned more than once that Cel hates him and his father. This is not a secret. If it had been this would make more sense, but not it's just like "Oh, who should I have acting as my champion and grant freedom to? How about this chick who hates me and is renowned as the most feared assassin in this country?"
Dorian and the King are idiots.
Cel makes pretty much the same points I do, and Dorian explains that what he really wants is a person to "maneuver around difficult people."
Actual footage of the King's Champion maneuvering around difficult people
Dorian, this might be wholly difficult for you to understand, but you could hire an assassin who doesn't despise the very thought of you and your father. Also, I'm pretty sure there's more than one person who isn't specifically an assassin who would have no problem eliminating problematic elements. If he's any sort of competent emperor, he would have a spymaster. And tons of people who would be like "you want me to kill this person discreetly? OKAY BRB"
Yet again I've thought about this probably more than the book did so I'll move on.
If she works as the king's Champion for six years, she'll be granted her freedom. And if she refuses, she'll go back to the salt mines. But that's not all. Cel would have to compete with a lot of other people for the opportunity to become the champion. Once again, the king could just be like "Eh, I'll pick the best of you lot and hire you all and then I could spread you out amongst my holdings" but that would actually make sense.
Her competition is comprised of other assassins, warriors and thieves.
If you win, and prove yourself both skilled and trustworthy, my father has sworn to grant you your freedom.I don't know about you guys, but if there's a king who conquers other nations for fun and sends the losers to the salt mines, his word isn't worth very much. I mean, Cel doesn't have very good choices in this situation and I would 100% believe she'd go for the competition, but the idea that the king isn't trustworthy because he's a douche and Cel should be wary is never once mentioned.
World's most feared assassin my ASS. Durzo Blint is Not Impressed.
Dorian explains that she's the most famous assassin competing but she won't be competing under her real name. Because no one thought she was a young woman and that she'd be older, and they didn't release that information when she was arrested. Makes sense. But Cel is irritated that no one knows how badass she is because she is a terrible assassin.
On the one hand, I understand why someone would be mad that their notoriety was taken from them. Part of her identity is the fact that she was so good at such a young age. On the other hand Cel's arrogance is EXTREMELY grating and if she hadn't spent the previous two and a half chapters gloating to herself about how she could kill everyone and escape and how she was the Best Assassin Ever, this bit would be a more interesting look into her character than 'WELL OF COURSE SHE THINKS SHE DESERVES ALL THE AWE AND FEAR BECAUSE SHE'S PERFECT AND BADASS.'
Dorian wants her to say yes and negotiates with her to get her term of service lowered. However, Cel is stuck on the idea that she's no longer the best (Durzo Blint is Not Impressed). She also cringes at the dirt under her nails because that's what she'd be focusing on in this situation. She then asks why they don't just hire her already (getting past the previously mentioned issues of loyalty aside, why not hire her if she's 'the best' or close enough to it).
The only response is some bs about having to "prove yourself worthy." I have to agree with Cel that being Adarlan's Assassin should be proof enough (I mean, even if she is a braggart, she was became that notorious for a reason).
"Yes," Chaol said, his bronze eyes flashing. "It proves that you're a criminal, and that we shouldn't immediately trust you with the king's private business."
Team Chaol right here. And not in terms of the inevitable love triangle. Just in terms of the fact that this guy is clearly the smartest person in the room at this point. It's been awhile since he spoke up, and I still want to call him Chole with the CH like Nacho. Cel tries to give her solemn oath, and Chaol/Chole isn't playing any games with that (of course, the king won't accept her word, but why would anyone accept his?).
"I mean, I'm bound to be a bit . . . out of shape, but . . . what else do you expect when I have to make do with rocks and pick-axes in this place?"
I dunno, you might get some decent upper body strength. Your sneaking skills probably aren't the best at this point.
Also please stop abusing ellipses. They never asked for this treatment and don't deserve it. I've given up on your abuse of commas.
Cel agrees to compete and negotiates the term of service to four years. Dorian is all pleased with this but warns her not to make him look foolish. I don't know, dude, you do that pretty well all on your own. Cel is told that she'll be sent back to the salt mines if she loses. I figured that much would be obvious (either that or death during the competition).
How difficult could it be to outshine, outsmart, and then obliterate her competitors?
Actual photographic evidence of me reading every page of this book
Most-feared assassin, people.
Chapter Four
In between chapters Cel was bathed by "brutish servants" and given a nice bed to sleep on. But she can't sleep, because of pain and other things, but she's also content so I don't know what her deal is.
But it was too strange to lie on a mattress, to have silk caress her skin and a pillow cradle her cheek. She had forgotten what food other than soggy oats and hard bread tasted like, what a clean body and clothes could do to a person. Now it was utterly foreign.This isn't bad at all. Coming from the brutal mines to luxury would be confusing.
But then she proves herself to be a middle-class brat by bitching about the roast chicken. lady, you haven't had meat in a year, and it was "unimpressive?" Hell, if you're that hungry it would taste like heaven on earth. I've had "unimpressive" meals that tasted wonderful after being unable to eat much of anything for weeks due to my chronic illness. Stop being a little bitch.
Also the rich food made her throw up.
More obsession about her looks and about how she's wasted to little more than a skeleton. Dorian really is a freaky freak douchey freak if he finds her so gorgeous his gaze must linger on her. This part isn't too bad, but it would have had more of an impact if she only now realized her poor health and looks now that she's eaten and is in a cozy room. She's been so hyper aware of her looks the whole time that it's just "yes, we know you're not beautiful anymore, stop harping on it."
This book doesn't understand subtlety.
Nacho finds her the next morning sleeping on the floor. He wakes her up to ask her why, and she says the bed was uncomfortable. We do a little headhopping which I always hate, and she waxes poetical about the lovely sunshine.
Gingerly, Celaena stretched out a hand. Her hand was pale, almost skeletal, but there was something about it, something beyond the bruises and cuts and scars, that seemed beautiful and new in the morning light.
BTW people would routinely dehydrate to death in salt mines. Imagine what that would do to someone's skin and reread this paragraph.
Cel is positively giddy with joy as the servants dress her in nice clothes that supposedly hid her thin form but unless they're actually padded that's not how clothes work. She loves clothes, which is all well and good, but Nacho is irked that she's staring at herself in a mirror for like five minutes instead of getting ready to go.
Remember what I said about the salt mines? Think about what that would do to her skin and hair and then realize the book said she was admiring herself in the mirror for a full five minutes.
Okay, moving along. She's all excited to be in the fresh air and sunlight, but her mood is soured when she sees the salt rock and the slaves. It's refreshing to see her actually acknowledge the other slaves and remember that the mines are still there and she could be sent to them again at any time.
Nacho and Cel run into some dogs, and Cel shows she's an animal lover.
Maybe I've been playing too much Skyrim but I got an interesting visual with the next sentence.
A pair of ebony boots stopped before her, and the dogs immediately calmed and sat.
I got dragon armor now because I maxed out my smithing skill but I still think ebony is some of the coolest armor.
MOVING ALONG, Dorian is a bit perplexed that the dogs like her and asks if she gave them food and if she's fond of dogs. Of course she is fond of them, and they banter back and forth about her not speaking right away.
Dorian bowed low. "Then I apologize, my lady! How terrible it must be to condescend to answer! Next time, I'll try to think of something more stimulating to say." With that, he turned on his heel and strode away, his dogs trailing after him.
Holy overreaction, Batman. Nacho, however, find this all amusing and Cel has some more violent thoughts. I know being violent comes with being an assassin, but this is bordering on psychopathy.
They all get on horses and start riding. Nacho shackles her again because he once again proves he's the smartest person in this novel (which isn't saying much). Cel considers hanging from the tree with her chains because chick can't go five minutes without thinking about how she'd kill someone.
Durzo Blint is Not Impressed. Dude had some other thoughts in his head, like training Azoth or sexing up Momma K or chewing on garlic cloves, none of this ridiculous "omg I could totes kill this person in fifteen ways to next sunday if I really wanted to" (though some of his scenes screwing around with the king Because He Can are really awesome).
I just need to reread those books. It helps that the books are from Azoth's point of view so we don't get any of this "omg I could totally kill this person right now" nonsense endlessly like we do with Cel.
The company starts preparing to leave, and Cel hears the crack of a whip and the scream of some poor slave. She also thinks about the three scars on her back. I still find it hard to believe that she only has 3 scars, whip scars no less. But we can't get our Most Feared Asssassin too scarred up I guess.
They finally leave the yard and Cel thinks about how she could use the chains to kill Nacho. Again. We went through this. Shit or get off the pot.
The book misuses "continental divide" but that's forgivable in the grand scheme of things, I guess.
By midmorning they were within Oakwald Forest, the wood that surrounded Endovier and served as a continental divide between the "civilized" countries of the East and the uncharted lands of the West.
"Boundary line" would be more accurate, but whatever. I'm not going to get that ridiculous nitpicky beyond what I've already been. Cel thinks about how she met a young woman from the West where the people are cruel and bloodthirsty. The woman was also cruel and bloodthirsty, big shock.
Cel attempts to make conversation with Nacho about the king's warring and colonizing so she could figure out how politics are goin', which is smart enough. Gotta know the king's plans if you're going to work for him. Nacho ignores her, and when Cel calls him on it, he's all like "I wasn't ignoring you."
Nacho, you're far ahead in terms of intelligence in this novel. You're not doing yourself any favors.
Cel asks how old he is, and he says he's 22. I'm guessing he got the job as the Captain of the Guard because he's a noble or inherited it or something. Anyway, Cel is surprised, and congratulates herself on being so accomplished at age 18. Nacho is unimpressed at her criminal ways and doesn't want to hear about it. Cel is offended that someone wouldn't want to hear about her exploits. They argue more and Nacho shuts her down more than once.
Okay, Nacho, I'll forgive you for the "I'm not ignoring you" while actually ignoring her thing.
"How wellborn are you?"
"Well enough." His chin lifted almost imperceptibly higher.
"Duke?"
"No."
"Lord?" He didn't reply, and she smiled slowly.
From duke to "lord"? It takes ten seconds to do a google search on nobility ranks and terms. BTW most nobility could be addressed as "lord", from Marquis to Baron. If you're going to base your nobility and aristocrats on actual terms, please understand how the ranking works. This isn't specific to this book, by the way. Inaccurate titles run RAMPANT in romance novels and it's one of the easiest things to look up.
Anyway Nacho says he's not a lord so I'm wondering what he really is then. Cel keeps poking at him about it and he threatens to gag her for being annoying. Cel continues, asking if he's married (he's not) and that he became Captain of the Guard when he was 20.
They stop for lunch and this chapter is over.
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