Chapter 40
Sure enough, Cel went to go see Baba Blacksheep. She romanticizes the caravan and carnival workers for a bit (hey, with her mastery over the laws of physics in the first book with embedding a throwing knife into another knife, she'd make a great carny!). She finds Baba and gives her fake name from the first book, though Baba Blacksheep is like "lol liar."
Cel offers 3 piece of gold and Baba Blacksheep insults her. I hate them both so I'm just amused at this point. Also, she totally knew that Prince Fizzbitch was the one asking her questions before., and offers to tell Cel what the questions were.
They haggle over prices.
They go into Baba's caravan. Which is apparently a Tardis.
in the gloom, the caravan stretched on much wider and longer than should have been possible.
It takes half a page for Cel to get around to actually asking her questions. Cel reads the riddle, and Baba Yellowlegs tells her the riddle is talking about Wyrdkeys that open the Wyrdgate.
Can things stop putting Wyrd in front of them? Especially since it's such a shitty application of the real definition. Cel asks what they are and pays her more.
"Once you know this, there is no unknowing it."
I mean, that's how knowledge works. That is a thing that does not need to be said.
Baba Blacksheep explains what the Wyrd is, and it "governs" life both in this world and the other worlds. It's what keeps the worlds separate.
See. Shitty application of what Wyrd really is (it has more to do with destiny than keeping alternate universes separate...). Wyrdgates, unsurprisingly, allow people to travel between worlds. There's something called the Valg that came through into Erilea. They took part of the Wyrdgate and made it into the Wyrdkeys.
I'm tired of capitalizing all this shit.
Anyway, they could use the keys to open the gate whenever they wanted, which was bad news bears for the Fae. They stole the keys, banished the demons, and couldn't put the keys back into the gate and thought they were too powerful to possess. So these fucking dumbasses hid the keys in random places and WROTE A FUCKING RIDDLE about it.
Why didn't they just throw them all into a volcano (it wouldn't destroy them, but at least it would keep people from picking them up) and then TELL NO ONE if they're that dangerous??!
Any bullshit that happens because these morons didn't know how to hide shit is all their fault
I'm getting One Ring vibes here and it's shitty.
Cel finally fucking figures out that Evil King Papa has one of the keys and that's why he's so powerful and conquering so much shit. Cel asks if there's anything else she needs to know, and Baba Blacksheep says nothing and moves away.
"So you're going to take my money and run?" [. . .] "What if I still have questions."
This bitch owes you nothing, Cel.
Cel draws her daggers, and Baba Blacksheep is like "fuck you". Cel says that if she tells her who she told about the Prince, she won't kill her. Considering Baba Blacksheep is basically nothing more than miasma and a voice in the darkness, I'm pretty sure she has the upper hand here, Celaena.
Also, she finally remembers Prince Fizzbitch is her friend. Baba Blacksheeps says she didn't tell anyone, and Baba Blacksheep gets the drop on her and gets knocked out.
Chapter 41
Nacho and Prince Fizzbitch also remember they're friends and are standing on a castle balcony watching the carnival pack up. Nacho had done research the night before, trying to figure out what house Cel belonged to in Terrasen. He's bad at figuring that she was part of the ROYAL house.
Nacho asks Fizzbitch how Cel is, and he's wondering if her staying late in Fizzbitch's rooms is her throwing it in his face. I don't know, maybe she just likes chillin'? Prince Fizzbitch is like "she's dealing, and doesn't talk about you."
Fizzbitch then says that Nacho's dad wants him to go back home. Nacho doesn't. Prince Fizzbitch knew that Nacho always wanted Cel.
"Do you know why I approached her at the Yulemas ball? Not because I wanted to ask her to dance, but because I saw the way you two were looking at each other."I'm PRETTY DAMN SURE it's because you thought she was hot shit, was jealous of Nacho, and wanted to dance with her because you wanted to nail her. I mean. That's essentially what the book said you wanted, so god, can this retconning please stop? He only danced with her to get her away from Nacho? Um, no, he wanted her. It was ALL HE THOUGHT ABOUT and it was so damn annoying.
Jeez louise.
It's so unnecessary!
Nacho asks why Prince Fizzbitch doesn't get her away from Evil King Papa if he cares so much for her, conveniently forgetting that EKP can fuck shit up. Prince Fizzbitch essentially tells him that.
God, Dorian, except for forgetting your own romantic feelings (which, fair enough), WHEN DID YOU BECOME COOL?
Cel comes to only a few seconds later, but she's been stripped of her weapons. All of them. Cel throws her head back and smacks into Baba Blacksheep. Cel kicks her, and "sends her flying" because fuck physics. BTW Cel's wrists are chained together. She manages to get them off because of her intense training with Arobynn.
Cel grabs a mirror shard and Baba Blacksheep taunts her from the shadows. Cel MAGICALLY finds an ax and starts destroying mirrors because Baba is showing up in all the reflections.
She finally finds the real Baba Blacksheep. She gets distracted and Baba's chain wraps around her ankle. Her feet are pulled from under her and Baba tries to beat her up with said chain. Cel loses the ax, but regains it and slams it into Baba's face.
With the blunt end.
Cel manages to decapitate her.
This book is OBSESSED with decapitation
and that worries me
She decides no one can know what happened in the caravan, and burns the body.
I mean.
She was the last person seen going into Baba Blacksheep's caravan. It's not like people will be like "Hmm, that pretty blonde girl was the last person seen with Baba Blacksheep and going into her Tardis Caravan. THAT'S MIGHTY SUSPICIOUS."
Chapter 42
Freaking Mort again. He somehow knows that she killed a witch. Apparently they have a distinct smell and bronze doorknockers have a sense of smell. I mean, MAGIC.
She got scratched up by Baba Blacksheep, and apparently it's going to SCAR FOR LIFE. I don't know. Cel is pretty much screwed because Baba was super important, and Mort knows this because reasons.
Also, none of the witches, good or bad, died out. They're just hiding.
Side note, if the Ironteeth witches have iron teeth, how do they get the iron on their teeth? Is it like some medieval form of orthodontistry? Iron is not an organic material but are they born with them? Asking for a friend.
The Ironteeth witches might go to Evil King Papa and be like "yo, where's our witch at, bitch?"
Cel tries to figure out the riddle, but sucks, so she goes back to her bedroom.
And she knew The Walking Dead would find her the moment she began looking for it.
Oh for the love of...
Nacho is sneaking into Cel's rooms because he's a stupid motherfucker. He even acknowledges that if cel finds him then she'll try to kill him again... and that he'd let her kill him.
Ugh.
He goes through the papers on her desk. Apparently Cel made a will right before Nehemiah died.
And she'd given everything--every last copper--to him.
Cel DOES find him, and says that she won't change the will. Because it would be "too much of a bother." Literally all you'd have to do is tell your lawyer, "change my will to give all my money to this other person". Like maybe your devoted servant Philippa who might actually could benefit from it? or other servants? Or poor people? She bitches when she remembers about the slaves but is still so ridiculously dumb.
"At least now," she said, pushing off the doorframe and turning away, "when the king sacks you for being so damn lousy at your job, you'll have something to fall back on."
This burn would be absolutely delightful if it weren't actually referencing Nehemiah's death, as opposed to the fact that Nacho has sucked at his job since the very beginning of Throne of Glass.
Nacho realizes that her will wasn't made JUST out of generosity, but to help him avoid having to go back home and use his father's money.
That would, in fact, be generosity. IS THIS BOOK ALLERGIC TO KNOWING THE DEFINITIONS OF THINGS?! MEIN GOTT.
Cel tells him to leave. Nacho cries because Cel will give him money. I don't freaking know.
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