Thursday, October 29, 2015

Crown of Midnight Ch. 50-53


Someone send help.


Chapter 50

Cel felt herself turn into a Fae. The demon is still alive even though she set it on fire. There's lots of roaring. She tells Nacho to run, and then attacks the demon. There are other demons coming. She goes back towards the portal.

She pours her magic into the sword and stabs the ground. The ground cracks and collapses. Someone drags her back through the portal.

Prince Fizzbitch sees Nacho pulling her along. Cel can't close the portal, but Fizzbitch can apparently.

Cel needs Fizzbitch's blood. I... don't know why she can't use her own like she did earlier?

She decides to use the sealing spell from early, and says that eventually the portal will close on her own (how does she know that?). So she takes Prince Fizzbitch's blood and draws the wyrdmarks over the other ones. The spell works.

They decide to go get a drink and talk. Instead of, you know, finding Archer. Well, the guys do, Cel breaks away and goes after Archer.


Chapter 51

Cel's Fae-ness has worn off, but she can still smell Archer. With his cologne.

He'd had nehemia assassinated, had manipulated them both, had used Nehemia's death to drive a wedge between her and Chaol, all in the name of power and revenge. . .

So what you're saying is he's actually more interesting than anyone else in this series so far and we didn't get to see HIM being all badass.

She waxes poetically about how Archer has NO IDEA the monster she is. I mean, she did slaughter half of his buddies because he kidnapped her boyfriend to get her attention and shit so I think he has a pretty good idea.

 Archer had gone to the underground gate thing that Cel found in the first book, but he can't get the gate open in spite of the fact that it worked perfectly in the first book.

Perhaps the gods did listen sometimes.

Or author's whims.

Somehow, Archer still manages to attack her from behind (I am so fucking confused by how he managed to sneak up behind her when it was clear he couldn't have). Anyway, she actually sense his attack because she only knows when people are sneaking up on her when they're trying to kill her. They fight. Archer tries to get her to understand his side.

He says they need to rise up against the king.

She growled, "I would rather live in his shadow than in a world where men like you rule."

What the fuck, Celaena. I can't even snark this because WHAT THE FUCK.


Evil King Papa = Actual Violator of Human Rights
Archer = Misguided, Power Hungry, Ordered one hit on one princess.

Just for comparison

Archer tells her that Nehemiah was hiding something about Cel. It's obvious Nehemiah knew Cel is the missing heir of the Terrasen throne.

Archer also starts taunting her about her dead boyfriend Sam. Because that's exactly what this character was presented as earlier in the book, someone who takes delight in another sadists conquests.

If Archer was supposed to be the big bad of this book, better hints would have been wonderful instead of one line early on. This is just like "Oh shit, I forgot Archer was the villain, let me write some bullshit".
Also this whole "misguided attempts to destroy evil is evil" plot has been done much, much better. Archer is a caricature, and not believable in his desire for freedom at all costs.

They fight more. He begs for his life, or at lest for Cel not to torture him because Nehemiah wouldn't want her to.

It works because Cel is a dipshit. She tells him to leave, and he calls her a good woman.

That pisses her off because this book hates me, and she kills him.

Archer the Manwhore is dead.

I have been waiting the entire book to use this gif


Chapter 52

Nacho is horrorfied, to borrow a word from My Immortal.

How much of her Fae senses did she retain when she looked like a human?
This is such an awkward wording I don't know where to begin.

Cel turns to Nacho and apparently she has enough blood on her to completely soak her hair. Okayyyyy.


 She literally stabbed Archer in the heart. It wasn't like she slit his throat and ducked under the spray.

Her "killing calm" disappears when she turns to look at Nacho.

Celaena refused to let the healer look at her until Fleetfoot's leg had been fixed.
....No. I won't say anything.

Then she insists Prince Fizzbitch gets looked at first, and that makes more sense. BUT SHE MADE THE CROWN PRINCE'S POSSIBLE CONCUSSION WAIT FOR THE DOG'S LEG TO BE SET WHAT A BITCH.

And I'm not talking about the dog.

Then she makes the healer check Nacho first. WHY IS THIS EXPLAINED IN DETAIL NO ONE CARES.

Prince Fizzbitch leaves.

Because even from that first day in Endovier, this had always been about them

It would have been nice to see that in the last book.

When the magic had taken her over, it had somehow healed everything.

Who needs consequences?

She takes a bath and comes back to talk to Nacho. Her great-grandmother was Fae. Unsurprisingly. And while her mother can't shift between forms, Cel could because she's so fucking special. I mean, could, because after the magic disappeared she couldn't do it anymore.

She did that in the other world in the portal though. She explains to Nacho about the wyrdmarks and shit. Also about Archer's dark deeds. 

"He kidnapped you to lure me away. He planted that anonymous threat against her life, too. Because he wanted me to blame you for her death."

Batman gambits annoy the crap out of me unless they're done really well. This was not done well.

Cel says she can't trust Nacho, but she doesn't blame him for Nehemiah's death anymore. She apologizes for trying to kill him.


 Nacho tries to tell her that he loves her, but she won't let him. He watches her walk away. He knows she didn't tell him everything (namely the Wyrdkeys and Kaltain and shit). he thinks about all the stuff that happened.

He goes to his father's rooms and asks for a favor. Surprisingly, he says okay. Nacho wants to kill the royal family in Wendlyn using Celaena (I dont' remember where or what Wendlyn is or if it was even mentioned before and I don't care).

The only reason that he wants to do this is to get Cel out of Rifthold because she's Fae and would be executed if anyone found out.

Nacho's part of the deal means he's going back home to take up his position as heir once again.

Chapter 53

Cel explains everything to Prince Fizzbitch. These chapters are so freaking boring. They talk about it.

She offers to introduce Fizzbitch to Mort to make my life miserable. Fizzbitch kisses her hand.

POV switch to Evil King Papa. Two books and we still don't know his name. Awks. He thinks about Nacho's plan and about Wendlyn, and this is politics we desperately needed to delve into before the last twenty pages of the book so it just feels awkwardly dropped in.

EKP thinks this it's a great idea and summons her to the council meeting. BTW, he also sensed the portal the night before and it woke him up or something. He also knows about Baba Blacksheep's death.

He's dumb if he hasn't figured out that it's Cel considering how much shit she's done and been crappy at covering her tracks (also surprised he hasn't sensed HIS SON'S magic).  EKP wanted to do some dealigns with Baba Blacksheep.


Also EKP is breeding wyverns. Awesome.

Cel shows up. They explain what they want her to do. She agrees. EKP says she needs to go to Wendlyn's solstice ball and kill the king and prince. Cel leaves the next day. 

POV back to Cel. She's a bit flummoxed by the change in plot. So she goes down to the tombs. Elena is there. Cel tells her she doesn't want to go to Wendlyn. Elena explains what Cel should have known, that Nacho wants her to hide with the Fae. Elena tells her to go.

Cel then brings up Nehemiah's last words after she died. It's pretty obvious that Nehemiah engineered her own death, because Elena tells her that knowing the truth would distract her. Cel even acknowledges this.

She decides to go to Wendlyn.

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