Chapter 36
Prince Fizzbitch is in the council when Cel comes storming in with Grave's head. she sets it down in front of some guy named Minister Mullison. He was the one who had brought Grave to the competition in the first book, not that we saw him at all.
Evil King Papa demands to know what's going on, and Cel sort of explains that Grave murdered Nehemiah.
Mullison, of course, tries to deny that he had anything to do with the murder. Nacho comes forward and grabs Cel, asking her what she's doing.
"Your job, apparently."
That would be a sick burn if THIS ENTIRE WORLD WASN'T POPULATED ONLY BY STUPID PEOPLE.
She manages to throw a piece of paper at the king and it lands just in the right place. That takes talent, or mastery over the laws of physics.
Fizzbitch is worried that she and Nacho will get into a fight again and his magic will flare. That's a legitimate concern. Good for you, Fizzbitch.
Cel then says that she murdered some traitors, and that Archer was the one who led her to them. Prince Fizzbitch knows she's lying, and can't figure out why. EKP tells Cel that she did a good job, and that she'll be paid double that month. Prince Fizzbitch feels all sad because he can't see "the girl he loved" in Cel.
I mean, like, she's an assassin. Assassins kill people. This is not a new concept.
Well, I guess it is in this book. I forgot that this book works on CRAZY PERSON logic.
Cel goes to visit Archer. He's in bed, recovering from his arrow wound. He tries to apologize, but Cel doesn't care. She asks what his movement wants. Archer tells her that he didn't know if he could trust her, even if Nehemiah said they could. And that he only kidnapped Nacho because he thought that he was going to hurt Nehemiah.
Holy shit no one in this novel knows how to communicate effectively.
Actual footage of everyone in this book.
Anyway, Archer also says that if he knew Cel would go absolutely batshit he wouldn't have taken Nacho.
That list that he'd given Cel? Every single one of them is dead because of her rampage at the warehouse. She apologizes. Because THAT WILL BRING PEOPLE BACK TO LIFE.
She would carry the weight of their deaths forever.
Yeah, I'm sure you will. Maybe if you hadn't decided the entire world must die because someone kidnapped your boyfriend, you wouldn't be in this mess. God.
Archer apparently accepts this apology and tells her that Nehemiah came to Rifthold to organize a force and give them information. She is irreplaceable as well. Except not, because CEL could replace her!
Guys, I know I'm not a New York Times Bestselling Author, but I'm pretty sure trying to get a woman who completely snapped and lost all sanity and killed a few dozen men after her boyfriend was kidnapped, a few dozen men who were working for the resistance, isn't the best idea.
Unless I'm totally mistaken and someone with anger problems and no grasp on sanity or intelligence is the perfect person to start a rebellion.
Archer tells her that Evil King Papa found a "source of power outside magic" and doesn't explain how it's not magic. Nehemiah was trying to figure out how he was doing it.
Cel tells him that she killed Nehemiah's assassin. Apparently Mullison did it because she was disagreeing with him too much in council meetings. A) We never actually heard whether or not she was in council meetings and B) What a weak sauce reason. Though that explains why there's so many assassins around, if people kill each other for weak sauce reasons.
"You took an arrow for me," she said quietly, gazing at the bandages.
Cel tells him they have five days left before he has to fake his death, and that he's "lucky" she doesn't kill him for kidnapping her traitorous boyfriend. She also thinks she would have been able to save Nehemiah's life if she'd been at the castle instead of murdering all of the rebels. How does she know this? It's pretty obvious no one heard anyone scream or yell. AND SHE WAS BUSY DOING THE DO WITH NACHO FOR A WHOLE WEEK. She'd be too busy making the beast with two backs to give a shit about Nehemiah and you know I'm right.
She refuses to help Archer's movement. Archer tells her he's sorry that Nehemiah is dead. She tells him that if he's not ready to leave in five days that she'll kill him.
We switch scenes to see Nacho chillin' awkward with his father. It's been ten years since they've seen each other. His father is a dick but I really don't care. He thinks randomly about "locking up" Minister Mullison. Cel is terribly mysterious.
His father asks him if he's enjoying his Captaincy. Nacho says yes. His father blames him for everything, including the possibility of Eyllwe's rebellion. I guess because Nehemiah died, but what the fuck, yo.
His father then asks if he has a girlfriend, then says that if he does she should at LEAST be nobility.
Don't worry, Nacho, you were screwing royal blood.
Their conversation is boring, but it's essentially his father implying that he'd un-disown Nacho if Eyllwe rebels.
"Terran is a scholar, not a warrior. He was born that way."
Nacho is like "nope" and they argue. His father TOTALLY knows that he was sleeping with Cel and I'm giggling because holy shit bit characters are better at this then all the main characters. Nacho threatens his life if his father goes near Cel, and if I were Nacho Daddy I'd be like "You're a fucking disgrace."
Oh wait, he already did.
Team Nacho Daddy.
Chapter 37
Cel goes to Nehemiah's room, because apparently she's the only one who can go through her belongings instead of the ambassadors from Eyllwe. After all, they might not be FRIENDS.
God, If I were Nehemiah's parents and I found out an assassin was touching her shit, I'd be pissed. I mean, I'd be pissed anyway because an ASSASSIN WAS HANGING OUT WITH MY ASSASSINATED DAUGHTER but I think we've established the general stupidity of people in this world.
Cel apparently burnt her own dresses, because they reminded her of Nehemiah. And like, damn girl. Way to be wasteful. You truly understand the plight of those less fortunate than you. Philippa apparently yelled at her and then donated the rest of the clothing because Philippa is a fucking angel.
Cel packs up Nehemiah's stuff. She finds papers that have wyrdmarks drawn on them. She finds the book she saw in Davis' office, the one with the riddle. Well, not the exact same book, but an older copy. But the same riddle is on the back cover.
Cel is offended that Nehemiah lied to her about the riddle and keeping secrets. Hypocrisy!
Well, Cel, nehemiah is dead now so you don't have to worry about her keeping secrets any more. Ya happy?
Cel figures out the riddle.
She goes down to the tomb, and Mort talks to her. Because that's what this book needed, an annoying door knocker.
Apparently Damaris was the eye. Or Gavin was. None of it makes any sense. She unsheathes Damaris. Mort tells her the answer to the riddle because we can't have him telling the answer to the riddle when it first comes up because THAT WOULD FUCKING MAKE SENSE.
OOOOH apparently there's an eye on the pommel of Damaris. I honestly don't remember if it was described as having an eye on it or not, and I frankly don't give a shit because literally the only reason it took this long is because Mort was being a dick about the whole thing.
Mort adds exactly zero to this story and it would have been exactly the same, only less obnoxious, if he had been cut, btw.
Anyway, she puts the eye against the wall and there's some poem she can see. Apparently it's about 3 hidden objects, or something like that. The poem is a bunch of riddles where they hid the objects.
She notes that some of the rhyming and meter is off in a couple places and it doesn't occur to her that this is important. God. This is like Riddle 101 here.
Cel asks Mort what the poem means, and he explains that it's about the locations of very powerful items.
What is the point of riddles in fantasy? I mean, the Hobbit did it well because they aren't hiding shit, but these sorts of riddles are obnoxious and dumb and pointless. That's why I liked the Sword of Truth series because there'd be riddles and Richard would be like "Fuck that. Motherfucking War Wizard coming through" and just did whatever the hell he wanted. Sigh. That series had its problems but at least dumb riddles weren't one of them.
Mort tells Cel that Nehemiah moved the Ridderak corpse way back when, and Cel is like "wtf" that she was in the tomb way before Cel ever took her down. Mort claims he doesn't know where other entrances are, and Cel asks if Bannon or whoever that was made him just to piss everyone off.
Well, his entire existence pisses me off so mission fucking accomplished.
Cel asks if he could just tell her the meaning of the riddle.
"Of course not. And isn't the journey more important than the end?"
"No," she spat.
Holy shit, Cel and I agree on something.
Cel decides to find the powerful items because she doesn't trust Archer and his group with them.
I mean. Yeah, of course she would say that, but I don't trust Cel with a sausage platter, let alone powerful objects considering she KILLED HALF OF ARCHER'S MEN.
Cel leaves the tomb. She feels sorry for herself that she doesn't have anyone left because everyone's either dead or a traitor.
Hey now, Prince Fizzbitch did NOTHING to you. Heck, he was even like "okay, she doesn't love me, I'll let her go." Though to be honest, I don't want her to remember that Fizzbitch is being non-annoying in this book because she doesn't deserve him.
She sits down on the stairs and Elena appears. Cel asks her what it was like when she died, and Elena tells her it was painless, but she was old when it happened. She tells Cel that Nehemiah is safe now in DEATH.
Cel finally cries, by the way.
Cel goes to the mausoleum and finds Nehemiah's grave. For some reason they buried her even though people are coming from Eyllwe to take her body home. What the hell, those poor gravediggers don't deserve that.
Cel sings. For some reason.
I like to think this is the song she's singing.
Nacho follows her for various reasons. Nice to know she still sucks at knowing this shit. Anyway, he listens to her sing in a language he doesn't know.
In a non Mary Sue move, Cel's voice isn't pretty. Though it's hard to tell whether it's because she's crying as she's singing, or just because Cel doesn't have a decent singing voice.
He says her name when she's done singing. She doesn't react. So he leaves her alone.
Chapter 38
The chapter opens with Cel playing with her dumb dog. Fleetfoot is sad because Nehemiah isn't playing with him, or something. I dont' know. Or was Fleetfoot a girl? I honestly don't remember or care.
And that's it for that scene.
Prince Fizzbitch is frustrated because he can't find any information on magic, though i don't know why he expected to find anything considering his father. He's in the library when Cel finds him.
Apaprently Cel brought Fleetfoot into the library with her because reasons. Prince Fizzbitch asks if he can help her find a book, and she says no. Fleetfoot comes running up with paper in her mouth (Fleetfoot confirmed for female) .
A librarian is chasing the dog. When the librarian asks them if they saw a dog, Cel says no and to be quiet because it's a library. And this is "comedy". it's extremely out of place and Cel is a gigantic douche. I hate everything and I want everyone to suffer.
Anyway, Cel smiles at Fizzbitch and apologizes to him for her "behavior lately". Her behavior... you mean, being an assassin?
We switch AGAIN to Nacho. He claims he's not "hiding" from anyone, but he goes tot he library where no one hangs out. I mean, except Cel. Anyway, he's wandering around when he hears Fizzbitch and Cel talking.
What were the two of them doing here--together?
Talking? About books? In a library? UNTHINKABLE. God Nacho, are you high? What the hell. Nacho is jealous because of course. He leaves them to it and runs into the librarian for earlier, who is pissy about the dog. The librarian also mentions a cloaked person wandering the library at night. cel then asks about funeral dirges.
"Is that what the king pays you to do--learn sad songs with which to serenade your men?"
BURRRRRRRRRRRRRN
Sensel the Librarian is my new favorite person.
Anyway, he tells Nacho that most of the songs weren't ever written down. But then he also tells him that when a noble died in Terrasen, the funeral dirge was sung in the Fae language. The only people who knew the language and the song were nobility. It's a rumor, but of course it's true because we know this book can't hold a mystery to save it's life.
Cel confirmed for royalty.
Well, Nacho thinks she's just a noble, but she's royalty. And because of her status...
And that made Celaena more than just his enemy.
It made her the greatest threat he'd ever encountered.
Chapter 39
Cel is on a roof, spying on Archer and his peeps. She wants to kill them all, but then remembers Nehemiah was working with them.
God, Cel, pick an alignment and stick with it. This is way beyond Chaotic Neutral and purely into author's whim alignment.
It's snowing. Because it's been winter for five thousand years so far.
Cel thinks about how she doesn't know what she'll do when Archer is gone. I don't know, the same bullshit you always do?
She watches for a few hours, and notices a certain young man never left. she finally sees him arguing with Archer. I don't care about the significance of any of this.
Now . . . now, she didn't particularly care.
Whoa, Cel, when did you get in my brain? How come. . . I got nothing.
I feel so lost.
Cel then goes to Prince Fizzbitch's rooms because he invited her to supper. His tower rooms are cozy and shabby. They talk. It's boring.
"Don't you have people who dress you? I would have thought that ROland would be your devoted servant, at least."
Dorian snorted, plumping his pillows. "Roland's tried."
...Did the author realize that she just implied that Dorian's cousin actually tried to dress him. As a servant would. On a regular basis.
I literally don't know what to say to that.
Also apparently Cel figures that people dressed Fizzbitch because he was well-dressed. Wow, that's kind of insulting. I mean, I know there was this whole thing in the French courts with the king and queen being dressed, but this is just really freaking awkward.
Fizzbitch asks Cel why she decided ot eat with him, and Cel admits it's because she's a pathetic, lonely excuse for a human being. Okay I may have exaggerated but not by much.
Fizzbitch is super nice, nicer than I would be, and is like "you can always chill with me."
While their dinner was quiet, it wasn't lachrymoseI'm all for using vocabulary, but holy shit that is such an SAT word and it's totally out of place with the simplistic prose this book uses.
Cel fell asleep on Prince Fizzbitch's couch. Fizzbitch is kind of happy that she's no longer with Nacho, and he actually feels guilt for his jealous because he's a fucking champ.
WHEN DID I START ACTUALLY LIKING FIZZBITCH. Am I in a parallel universe?!
The chapter ends with Cel talking to Mort about the riddle connecting to the rebel movement. Maybe... theyw ere trying to figure out the riddle too? I mean, that's literally the connection... it makes no sense with how it's presented in Cel's head. Anyway.
Mort suggests she ask a seer or an oracle, and I bet she goes to find Baba Blacksheep. Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment